IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that housing facilities should be built in the vacant areas of cities and towns, while others believe that parks should be set instead. Planting trees is very important for the environment. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #facilities #areas #cities #towns #parks #trees #environment
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It is thought by some that if there is an empty
space
 in the
city
, housing should be built there,
while
 others argue that, rather than using
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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it for housing areas, building a park will bring a plethora of benefits since it is essential for the environment. I do believe that providing public gardens is indispensable
because
Correct word choice
apply
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for
of
Change preposition
apply
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two reasons:
cities
 need green
space
 and building more housing in the
city
 will account for
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
show examples
life
. The fact that
cities
 need more green
space
 is inevitable as there is insufficient
of
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apply
show examples
fresh
air
. It happens because there
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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is a lot of
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
 from factories, cars, motorcycles, and greenhouse house effects. It is getting worse since the number of trees is really low in the
city
. If there
are was
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 more green
space
 in
cities
, the
quality
 of
air
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
would be better because trees produce O2( oxygen) and absorb the pollution. So, comparing compared with using a
space
 for housing, the benefit
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
of building parks counts even more. It is known by the public that towns have a high number of housing
such
 as apartments, so allocating a
space
 for new housing will put a strain
for
Change preposition
apply
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on the
quality
 of human
life
 as the environment is getting
worst
Correct word choice
apply
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worse. Some damaging effects
by
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apply
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of the high number of housing in
cities
,
such
 as insufficient fresh
air
, lack of fresh water, and temperature improvement, lead to
low
Correct article usage
a low
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quality
 of
life
, thereby people will be
difficult
Correct word choice
apply
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unable to drink clean water, to
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
with
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apply
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fresh
air
. As it runs, most citizens will be really prone to getting some illnesses related
with
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apply
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to
breathing
Correct article usage
the breathing
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 system and
disgestion
Correct your spelling
digestion
. In conclusion, since having more trees is crucial for a
city
 to have a better
quality
 of
life
, the usage of vacant areas in the
city
 must be considered
with
Change preposition
for
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 the benefit
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
of humans. So, providing more gardens or parks
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
would be useful rather than building housing in an empty
space
 in
cities
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that ideas are logically ordered and paragraphs are well-structured. Use a range of cohesive devices effectively to link your points throughout the essay, rather than resorting to the same phrases repetitively. Make the structure of your essay clear by using introductory phrases for paragraphs and appropriate signposting language.
task achievement
To address task achievement more effectively, be sure to answer all parts of the question clearly and to the point. Your introduction and conclusion should restate the task question and your stance on it without adding new information in the conclusion. Include plenty of relevant details and examples to support each point you make, ensuring these examples enhance your argument and are clearly related to the task at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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