IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that school students should be separated based on their abilities and talented, while others think that all students should study together. Discuss both views and express your opinion.

#people #school #students #abilities #study
One group of people think, that pupils in academies should be divided into sections,
due to
 various talents and abilities, whilst another group believe all students need to be taught in one group. Personally, I assume, all students must be together, so, they can improve their skills,
while
 watching others. On the one hand, having scholars, who are more talented than you is a great opportunity for improving yourself.
This
 can lead to
comparing
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
 with academically advanced peers, which will be a catalyst for huge educational motivation. So, when you see others doing well, it might make you want to try harder to reach similar goals.
For instance
, the statistics, which were done at Cambridge University showed, that students, who were taken to more advanced level classes, than they were, illustrated, that their level of motivation,
consequently
 the brain work increased by 15%.
On the other hand
, pupils, who have a good quality of skills typically suffer from the low-level surrounding people.
This
 can cause, slower development and unimplementation of their abilities or talents.
For example
, a person, who had an enormous talent for drawing, did not improve that skill,
due to
 the impossibility of transferring from beginner-level classes to more advanced ones. In conclusion, I would say, that there are more positive effects from the idea of all studying together, rather than negative.
Submitted by katiakardash07 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical flow and transitions between ideas. It is important to use cohesive devices effectively to guide your reader through the argument with clear paragraphs. Consider organizing your thoughts more cohesively, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion sections, making sure each part serves its purpose in the overall argument.
task achievement
While a stance is taken, the development of ideas is limited, and the essay does not fully address all parts of the task. Make sure to discuss both viewpoints thoroughly before giving your own opinion. Elaborate more on your reasons, possibly by adding more examples or explanations, to ensure that the response is complete.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • segregation
  • mixed-ability
  • targeted teaching
  • boredom
  • frustration
  • stigma
  • self-esteem
  • inequalities
  • inclusivity
  • peer learning
  • collaboration
  • diversity
  • accommodate
  • advanced learners
  • equitable
  • educational opportunities
  • real-world environments
What to do next:
Look at other essays: