IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that people today have no interest in maintaining the traditional culture of their country or region. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Across the globe, cultures bring different flavors of
depicturing
Verb problem
depicting
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 the world. Some traditional
venues
Use synonyms
 point out the family union as
society
Add an article
a society
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 and part of the region, but
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
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 there are backward thinking traditions that
instead
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 of
remark
Wrong verb form
remarking
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 about the goods of humanity,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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cannot
Correct your spelling
can no
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 be longer accepted inasmuch as they threaten morality and even hurt animals.
Hence
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, in
this
Linking Words
paper
Add a comma
paper,
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 I will state an unbiased perspective about remaining traditional culture, without losing focus on the drawbacks of keeping it. On one hand, there are interesting
venues
Use synonyms
 that keep running in the cultures and strengthen the meaning of being part of a region.
For instance
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, in
Colombia
Add a comma
Colombia,
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 we have several festivals and a rich culture regarding being supportive by giving a helpful hand to our neighbors. To give an example,
this
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 can be seen
in
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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spell day, in which people light a spell spreading good vibes to people who need pep talks,
such
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 festivity
proof
Verb problem
proves to
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 us we must maintain some of them.
Nonetheless
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, not every traditional
culture
Replace the word
cultural
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 venue brings out the best as
human-beings
Correct your spelling
human beings
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. Some
venues
Use synonyms
 determine human cruelty mindsets that should not be allowed,
such
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 as bullfighting. Tauromaquia
venues
Use synonyms
 have been held on since the colonization era, disturbing the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 of many bulls
till
Change preposition
to
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 the point that some of them died away from their peers.
This
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 and other types of events
such
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 as rooster fighting have to end and be out of the traditions not just in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of human morality-well, but
also
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 in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of animal rights.
To sum up
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, society has to analyze their traditions because many of them stand out for the value of being human and retain all positive features
like
Replace the word
as
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 our ancestors did, but others are just wrong.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction sets a clear framework for the discussion by introducing the topic and outlining the main points to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical progression of ideas with clear transition signals between paragraphs and within body paragraphs to guide the reader through the argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop your ideas fully by expanding on them with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen the impact of your arguments.
task achievement
Your task response needs to address all parts of the prompt comprehensively, with a balanced discussion of both views, followed by a clear personal stance that is sustained throughout the essay.
task achievement
Clarify your main ideas and make sure they are comprehensive and easily understood, avoiding ambiguity and confusion.
task achievement
Make use of more specific and relevant examples to support your points, thereby enhancing the effectiveness of your arguments and task response.
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