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Band 4

People nowadays tend to have children at older ages. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantags

#people #children #ages #outweigh #disadvantags
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The
last
 decades
has
Change the verb form
have
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 witnessed an ever-growing
trend
 concerning couples's decisions on having
children
. The vast majority of couples opt to have
children
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 certain ages, preferably at older ages. It is worth ascertaining the upsides and the potential drawbacks of
this
trend
. First and foremost, it is undeniable that having
children
 during adulthood provides several benefits. Being considered
cruicial
Correct your spelling
crucial
, mature adults tend to reach for financial stability before deciding to have
children
. In fact, having
children
 is deemed to be costly; it is essential to be prepared financially.
Additionally
, it is evident that adult couples are more mature emotionally compared to young adults. Admittedly, adults' past experiences taught them lessons that could be useful to be applied in their parenting style.
Hence
,
children
 with
emotionally-mature
Correct your spelling
emotionally mature
show examples
 parents tend to have better
overall
 well-being. From another stance, it is
also
 noteworthy that there are tangible drawbacks
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 being parents
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 later age. Age gaps between parents and
children
 may cause notable predicaments. Born in different generations could affect their interactions and cause emotional strain. Communication is deemed to be crucial; it should be the foundation of
parent-
Add an article
the parent-children
a parent-children
show examples
children
 relationship. In
this
 sense,
children
 may feel disconnected as their age gap could affect their way of communicating. Viewed as a whole, it is
axoimatic
Correct your spelling
axiomatic
 that the current
trend
 of having
children
 at later ages provides numerous benefits; these
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
 financial stability and emotional maturity. On the basis of my observation, the palpable benefits of
this
trend
 outweigh the associated drawbacks.
Submitted by a.wangsaatmaja on

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Coherence & Cohesion
While you've made an effort to create a logical structure, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the connection between them could be more explicit to improve the flow of the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and generally align with the main content, but they could be further strengthened by directly addressing the question and clearly stating if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages with a concrete stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have supported your main points with explanations, but concrete examples or data to illustrate your arguments would greatly enhance the effectiveness of your essay. Aim to provide specific, relevant examples for each main point.
Task Achievement
While you address the task and provide a response to the prompt, ensure that all parts of the task are fully covered and the question is directly answered to improve task achievement score.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are relatively clear and comprehensive, but aim for more depth in your exploration of the topic. Present more nuanced arguments or considerations on both sides of the issue to fully address the complexity of the prompt.
Task Achievement
You should incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your points, which will make your arguments more convincing and complete. Real-world examples or references to studies/research can enrich your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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