IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People nowadays tend to have children at older ages. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantags

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The
last
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 decades
has
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have
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 witnessed an ever-growing
trend
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 concerning couples's decisions on having
children
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. The vast majority of couples opt to have
children
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in
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at
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 certain ages, preferably at older ages. It is worth ascertaining the upsides and the potential drawbacks of
this
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trend
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. First and foremost, it is undeniable that having
children
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 during adulthood provides several benefits. Being considered
cruicial
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crucial
, mature adults tend to reach for financial stability before deciding to have
children
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. In fact, having
children
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 is deemed to be costly; it is essential to be prepared financially.
Additionally
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, it is evident that adult couples are more mature emotionally compared to young adults. Admittedly, adults' past experiences taught them lessons that could be useful to be applied in their parenting style.
Hence
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,
children
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 with
emotionally-mature
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emotionally mature
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 parents tend to have better
overall
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 well-being. From another stance, it is
also
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 noteworthy that there are tangible drawbacks
about
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to
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 being parents
in
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at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 later age. Age gaps between parents and
children
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 may cause notable predicaments. Born in different generations could affect their interactions and cause emotional strain. Communication is deemed to be crucial; it should be the foundation of
parent-
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the parent-children
a parent-children
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children
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 relationship. In
this
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 sense,
children
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 may feel disconnected as their age gap could affect their way of communicating. Viewed as a whole, it is
axoimatic
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axiomatic
 that the current
trend
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 of having
children
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 at later ages provides numerous benefits; these
includes
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include
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 financial stability and emotional maturity. On the basis of my observation, the palpable benefits of
this
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trend
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 outweigh the associated drawbacks.

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Coherence & Cohesion
While you've made an effort to create a logical structure, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the connection between them could be more explicit to improve the flow of the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and generally align with the main content, but they could be further strengthened by directly addressing the question and clearly stating if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages with a concrete stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have supported your main points with explanations, but concrete examples or data to illustrate your arguments would greatly enhance the effectiveness of your essay. Aim to provide specific, relevant examples for each main point.
Task Achievement
While you address the task and provide a response to the prompt, ensure that all parts of the task are fully covered and the question is directly answered to improve task achievement score.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are relatively clear and comprehensive, but aim for more depth in your exploration of the topic. Present more nuanced arguments or considerations on both sides of the issue to fully address the complexity of the prompt.
Task Achievement
You should incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your points, which will make your arguments more convincing and complete. Real-world examples or references to studies/research can enrich your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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