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Band 4.5

People nowadays spend their free time less actively than in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #time
There is no doubt that these days more and more
people
 have free
time
 and they spend it in different ways becoming very popular worldwide.
However
, the question remains, are
people
this
 day actively more than in the past in their free
time
? is considered one of the most controversial problems
today
.
This
 essay will examine both sides of
this
 issue and will draw my personal conclusion. On one hand of the argument, there are
people
 who believe that the benefits considerably outweigh the disadvantages. One of the main reasons for their support of
this
 claim is that
today
 most
people
 spend their free
time
 at home watching TV, sleeping and playing
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 sports. In fact, sitting at home after a hard day
gives
Verb problem
makes
show examples
people
 feel comfortable and relaxed.
Furthermore
,
setting
Correct your spelling
sitting
show examples
 and doing nothing
that makes
Verb problem
removed
show examples
 all stress
removed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Also
, see the Internet and
programmes
Replace the word
programs
show examples
 on phones that are what
people
 do
today
. A study published at New York University in 2015 concluded that around 70% of young
people
 prefer to spend their free
time
 at home without doing any activities just watching movies and social media.
Thus
, that’s why some
people
 think that
people
 nowadays are less active in their free
time
.
On the other hand
, it is
also
 possible to say that in the past
people
 had a hard life because they did not have any transport that made them more active.
In other words
,
people
 in the past loved to play, work a new things and do some sports in their free
time
.
For example
, my granddad told me they were in the 1970s waiting for free
time
 to play football and farm. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of viewpoints, I believe that
people
 in past spent their free
time
 more actively than
people
today
due to
people
 thinking about their comfort and relaxation.
Submitted by taqwaalsakiti on

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task response
Your introduction should more directly address the prompt instead of presenting it as a controversial issue without stating your position. A clearer thesis statement is needed.
coherence cohesion
Your main body paragraphs should have a clearer topic sentence that guides the reader through your argument or explanation. Include transition words to improve the logical flow.
task response
To increase your score, ensure your essay has a logical conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position on the topic coherently.
task response
You should develop your main points with more focused and elaborated arguments, supported by specific and relevant examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to vary your sentence structures and use a range of linking words to demonstrate an ability to use cohesive devices effectively.
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