People nowadays spend their free time less actively than in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is no doubt that these days more and more
people
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have free
time
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and they spend it in different ways becoming very popular worldwide.
However
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, the question remains, are
people
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this
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day actively more than in the past in their free
time
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? is considered one of the most controversial problems
today
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.
This
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essay will examine both sides of
this
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issue and will draw my personal conclusion. On one hand of the argument, there are
people
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who believe that the benefits considerably outweigh the disadvantages. One of the main reasons for their support of
this
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claim is that
today
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most
people
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spend their free
time
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at home watching TV, sleeping and playing
few
Correct article usage
a few
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sports. In fact, sitting at home after a hard day
gives
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makes
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people
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feel comfortable and relaxed.
Furthermore
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,
setting
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sitting
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and doing nothing
that makes
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removed
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all stress
removed
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apply
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.
Also
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, see the Internet and
programmes
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programs
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on phones that are what
people
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do
today
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. A study published at New York University in 2015 concluded that around 70% of young
people
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prefer to spend their free
time
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at home without doing any activities just watching movies and social media.
Thus
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, that’s why some
people
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think that
people
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nowadays are less active in their free
time
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.
On the other hand
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, it is
also
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possible to say that in the past
people
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had a hard life because they did not have any transport that made them more active.
In other words
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,
people
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in the past loved to play, work a new things and do some sports in their free
time
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.
For example
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, my granddad told me they were in the 1970s waiting for free
time
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to play football and farm. In conclusion, after a careful analysis of viewpoints, I believe that
people
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in past spent their free
time
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more actively than
people
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today
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due to
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people
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thinking about their comfort and relaxation.
Submitted by taqwaalsakiti on

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task response
Your introduction should more directly address the prompt instead of presenting it as a controversial issue without stating your position. A clearer thesis statement is needed.
coherence cohesion
Your main body paragraphs should have a clearer topic sentence that guides the reader through your argument or explanation. Include transition words to improve the logical flow.
task response
To increase your score, ensure your essay has a logical conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position on the topic coherently.
task response
You should develop your main points with more focused and elaborated arguments, supported by specific and relevant examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to vary your sentence structures and use a range of linking words to demonstrate an ability to use cohesive devices effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • streaming movies
  • browsing social media
  • playing video games
  • digital entertainment
  • active pursuits
  • resurgence of interest
  • fitness trends
  • outdoor adventures
  • group sports
  • perception of time
  • connectivity requirements
  • passive activities
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