IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

The crime rare nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advanced technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#crime #technology
People think that if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
compared
Add a missing verb
is compared
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the past,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
 is decreasing in
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 moment because there is
techonolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 which can avoid and avoid
crime
. I do not totally agree with
this
 statement because there is
techonolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 like
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 a new
crime
.
As
Change preposition
For
show examples
example
Add an article
an example
show examples
,
Add an article
a criminal
the criminal
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 can hack your
handphone
 and
then
 hack your account bank and your media social. 
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
 is increasing
due to
techonolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new case
crime
Change preposition
of crime
show examples
. People
called
Wrong verb form
call
show examples
this
crime
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
cyber
crime
 which is
crime
Add an article
a crime
show examples
 with
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
.
This
 criminal can send you a link to your
handphone
, and if you press the link, your
handphone
 can
hack
Wrong verb form
be hacked
show examples
.
as
Change preposition
For
show examples
 example my cousin, his
handphone
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 hacked by someone. He
tell
Wrong verb form
told
show examples
 me that he
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 email from someone
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 he
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not know
then
 he
press
Wrong verb form
pressed
show examples
 the link.
However
, he
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not know that it is very dangerous
then
 his bank balance account is lost.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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structure
The essay should be structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. There was an attempt to follow this structure, but it lacked clarity and proper transitions between ideas.
linking words
Use a variety of linking devices to create better cohesion between sentences and paragraphs. This essay needs more cohesive devices to demonstrate a clear logical relationship between ideas.
vocabulary
Consistently avoid repetition of the same words and phrases. Instead, employ a range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and to keep the reader engaged.
development
Develop arguments with clear topic sentences in each paragraph, followed by explanations and specific examples. This essay included examples but could benefit from more detailed explanations and further development of main points.
task response
Ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the task, presenting a clear position and arguments that are relevant to the prompt. The position in this essay seems unclear and the task has been only partially addressed.
grammar
Use a range of grammatical structures accurately and check for errors in grammar and punctuation that can impede comprehension.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • surveillance
  • deterrence effect
  • DNA testing
  • forensic analysis
  • conviction rates
  • digital footprints
  • cyber forensic techniques
  • real-time communication
  • law enforcement
  • socioeconomic factors
  • cybercrimes
  • advanced technology
  • crime prevention strategies
  • privacy concerns
  • ethical issues
  • digital divide
What to do next:
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