IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Study shows that many criminals have low levels of education. For this reason, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison, so that they can get a job when they leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?

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According to
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 a recent study, many offenders don’t have a high level of
education
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 especially, in countries
such
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 as Pakistan and India. It's seen that many young people are doing serious crimes like drug dealing,killing and other street crimes. For
this
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 exact reason, some individuals think that providing decent
education
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 can reduce crime rates. In
this
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 essay, I will argue my opinion and describe the positive impacts of
education
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. It is known that
education
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 can really affect your future. By offering educational programs in prisons, we can give an opportunity to prisoners.
For example
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,
education
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 can increase their self-esteem, their knowledge and skills,and those individuals can find
work
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 easily.
As a result
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, they are less likely to engage in criminal activities after release, when they have an opportunity to
work
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 and support their basic natural needs.
Moreover
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,
education
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 leads to
overall
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 development.
For instance
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, by engaging in educational activities,criminals can develop critical thinking, problem-solving,and communication skills. These abilities help not only in
work
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 but
also
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 enable them to make better decisions and manage conflicts. It helps not only criminals but
also
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 breaks the cycle of crime and
subsequently
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 makes the prisoner’s life better.
To conclude
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,
education
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 can reduce recidivism rates. When people know about how they can improve their lives, they are more likely to
work
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 and live outside of crime. By providing
education
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, we can help prisoners and
also
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 civil residents. Educating prisoners can increase their hope and motivation and I believe it could make positive changes in their future lives.

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Task Achievement
To enhance Task Achievement, try to fully address the prompt by providing a more balanced exploration of your agreement or disagreement, incorporating a wider range of arguments or counterarguments to strengthen your position.
Task Achievement
To boost clarity and comprehensiveness, consider elaborating on your ideas with a wider variety of examples and evidence. While your contribution is solid, adding more specific instances or studies could solidify your argument further.
Task Achievement
For a higher score in Relevant & Specific Examples, incorporate specific studies, statistics, or real-life examples that directly support your main points. This will enhance the persuasiveness and depth of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve Coherence & Cohesion, work on transitions between paragraphs and sentences to ensure smoother flow of ideas. Employing varied linking phrases could make your essay more cohesive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider revisiting your essay's structure. While your logical structure is commendable, reinforcing the introduction and conclusion with clearer thesis statements and summaries of your argument could refine your essay further.
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