IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists, not local people. Why is this the case? What can be done to attract local people? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #museums #sites #tourists #people #case
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
We notice an interesting phenomenon that, nowadays, not only museums but
also
 some
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 heritages in a place are more likely visited by
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 from other places. Locals may not spend much time in
such
 areas mentioned above.
Main
Correct article usage
The main
show examples
 reasons probably are as follows. On the one hand,
Correct article usage
a numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of historical attractions are mainly located far from the city, which takes plenty of time for locals to reach
there
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
. Frequently visits for people who live in the city
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
show examples
 a lot of money on their way back and forth.
Moreover
, the ones who have already visited the spot may not return to the same place in a short period of time, as the decorations and exhibits are standing still.
On the other hand
, thousands of people who
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 sight-seeing have little concerns about what the displays mean and what stories they
what
Correct your spelling
want
show examples
 to tell. They prefer appreciating fancy designs of the museum as a building or just
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
 the places that
famous
Add a missing verb
are famous
show examples
 on the Internet, taking pictures, uploading on social media, and seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
LIKEs. Rather than gaining a superficial understanding through cursory observation
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 cultural sites, the government,
as well as
 local communities, has
obligation
Correct article usage
an obligation
show examples
 to launch a campaign by not only filming advertising videos but
also
 offering
subsidy
Fix the agreement mistake
subsidies
show examples
 for local citizens. Free buses may
also
do
Verb problem
be
show examples
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 help, too.
Last
 but of
most
Correct word choice
least
show examples
 importance
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 management of the attraction sites
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
ought to set up efforts
in renewing
Change preposition
to renew
show examples
 and
replacing
Wrong verb form
replace
show examples
 forms or themes of shows, drawing public attention as far as possible.
Submitted by iou122 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your introduction sets the stage, and your conclusion should provide a concise summary of the points discussed.
paragraph organization
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the paragraphs are organized logically. Use cohesive devices to connect ideas within and across paragraphs.
support and development
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. While you've touched on reasons and solutions, further depth and specificity would enhance the response.
task response
Fully address all parts of the task and ensure that you provide a complete response to the prompt. You have addressed the 'why' and 'what can be done' aspects, but consider integrating specific local examples or statistics to strengthen your argument.
idea clarity
Make sure both the ideas and examples you present in the essay are clear and easily understood, avoiding vague statements. Aim for comprehensive explanations that truly convey your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: