IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

people living in large cities have to face many problems in every day life. what are those problems? should governmentencourge people to move to regional town? Give reasons for your answer and include any relavant examples from your knowledge?

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While
Linking Words
 living in large
cities
Use synonyms
 provides
wider
Add an article
a wider
show examples
 range of convenience, study and job opportunities for
people
Use synonyms
, it does
brings
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
brings
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
problems to their daily life
such
Linking Words
 as high living
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 and
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
. For decades, more and more
people
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
move
Wrong verb form
have moved
show examples
 to big
cities
Use synonyms
 which
leads
Wrong verb form
has led
show examples
 to unbalanced development in different parts of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to
move
Use synonyms
 to regional
towns
Use synonyms
 in order to develop these
areas
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 to reduce the density of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 in big
cities
Use synonyms
. The first issue of living in busy
cities
Use synonyms
 is that the
citizents
Correct your spelling
citizens
 have to pay higher costs for living
compares
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with smaller
cities
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
housings
Fix the agreement mistake
housing
show examples
 in major
cities
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 usually small in size and way too expensive to buy or rent
as a result
Linking Words
 of
crowded
Correct article usage
the crowded
show examples
 population. Some
people
Use synonyms
 decide to buy houses in surrounding
areas
Use synonyms
 as they can not afford to purchase
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 uptown house.
Besides
Linking Words
 that,
pollutions
Change the noun form
pollution
show examples
 is a common problem
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 big
cities
Use synonyms
. With
high
Add an article
the high
a high
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of fuel
emmision
Correct your spelling
emission
emissions
 from vehicles and production activities from manufacturers, crowded
Use synonyms
cities
Change the noun form
city
show examples
residences
Replace the word
residents
show examples
less
Add a missing verb
are less
show examples
 likely to intake fresh air condition, which causes illness related to breathing. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health concerns and high living costs, large
cities
Use synonyms
 are still attractive, especially to young
people
Use synonyms
. Many governments have been working on development plans
such
Linking Words
 as building infrastructures,
Correct word choice
and residental
show examples
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
areas
Use synonyms
 and allocating economic investments in regional
towns
Use synonyms
 in order to attract more
people
Use synonyms
 to
move
Use synonyms
 here. More and more companies shift
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 manufacturers to these
areas
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 more jobs are created for
people
Use synonyms
 to enable the growth of small
towns
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the more
people
Use synonyms
 stay and work
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their home
cities
Use synonyms
, the
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
move
Use synonyms
 to larger ones for living,
thus
Linking Words
,
overwhelming
Correct article usage
the overwhelming
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
population of big
cities
Use synonyms
 is reduced. In conclusion, living in large
cities
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
is expensive and unhealthy
due to
Linking Words
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
. Governments should encourage their citizens to shift from major
cities
Use synonyms
 to smaller
towns
Use synonyms
 for potential and balanced growth
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all
parrts
Correct your spelling
parts
 of the country.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay shows effort in addressing the task, but there is room for improvement in both coherence and cohesion as well as task achievement. The essay structure needs to be more logical with clearer and smoother transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
You successfully introduced the topic and concluded the essay. However, there is repetition and the conclusion could be stronger and more succinct to emphasize the key points.
coherence cohesion
Main points were mentioned, but the supporting details and examples are not fully developed or entirely convincing. Be sure to provide clear examples or evidence to support each argument you make.
task achievement
Your response covers the topic and generally addresses the task. However, the response is not entirely complete, and it is suggested that you address all parts of the task equally.
task achievement
Your ideas are understandable, but the clarity and articulation of concepts could be enhanced to produce a more compelling argument.
task achievement
The use of relevant specific examples is good, but you can enhance your essay by incorporating a wider range of more in-depth examples from personal, historical, or current events.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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