IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Opinion Promotions to higher level should be from with in a company and not from new hire from outside , do you agree or disagree?

#promotions #level #company
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the
companies
Add a comma
companies,
show examples
 promotions are usually given to those who
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 in the
company
Use synonyms
 as
a permanent
Correct the article-noun agreement
a permanent employee
permanent employees
show examples
employees
Use synonyms
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 to those who are temporarily employed.
This
Linking Words
 is because they
deserves
Change the verb form
deserve
show examples
 to be promoted to enhance their
company
Use synonyms
's performance. I would strongly agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the point. In the following
lines
Add a comma
lines,
show examples
 I will elaborate on why I agree with the statement. Upgradation in an organization to the individual who
perform
Change the verb form
performs
show examples
 better keeps the
employees
Use synonyms
 motivated and encouraged to work smarter.
This
Linking Words
 holds the
company
Use synonyms
’s name raised among others.
For instance
Linking Words
, an
inovative
Correct your spelling
innovative
 general
menager
Correct your spelling
manager
 is promoted to a secretory level with his or her extraordinary performance in his
previous
Correct word choice
or previous
show examples
 position. To bring more
authorative inovations
Correct your spelling
authoritative innovations
 and
to bring
Verb problem
apply
show examples
changes in the
company
Use synonyms
 he/she
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to be given
promotion
Correct article usage
a promotion
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 kind of shift in position to
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 level not only motivates them but
also
Linking Words
 gives them a greater space to bring more
inovations
Correct your spelling
innovations
innovation
. In order to bring changes within the
company
Use synonyms
 all sorts of uplifting position has to be given to regular
employees
Use synonyms
. When I choose only regular
employees
Use synonyms
, it
dosi't
Correct your spelling
doesn't
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
 hired Individuals cannot perform like regular
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
. They do possess the knowledge to bring changes in the
company
Use synonyms
 but it may not stick to the
company
Use synonyms
 where they work today. It could roam as they move to the other companies.
That is
Linking Words
 the reason why we have to hold
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
 for them.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is better not to give
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
 to hired
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 even if they possess extraordinary skills. But give them a chance to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
regular
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
within
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, so that they can bring change to the
company
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rinchennima77 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You should ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should outline your argument, the body should support it with clear, relevant examples, and the conclusion should summarize your points. It's also important to stay on topic throughout.
coherence cohesion
Try to use paragraphing effectively to organize your ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic that is developed with explanations or examples. Transitions between paragraphs and sentences should help the essay flow smoothly.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are supported with specific examples or evidence. Broad statements need to be substantiated to demonstrate a full understanding of the topic. Generic examples weaken the argument and lower the score.
task achievement
Your response to the task must be more complete. Address the prompt fully, which means discussing both sides of the argument if required, and giving a clear opinion. Make sure that your essay stays focused on the question throughout.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: