The internet is a great invention that brings a host of advantages for the world population. However, there are several issues in terms of security and control of personal data. Do you agree or disagree with this?
The invention of the
internet
have
brought a lot of advantages to Change the verb form
has
the
individual Correct article usage
apply
wellbeing
. Correct your spelling
well-being
However
, I agree that there are some threats to our privecy
.
On the one hand, Life has Correct your spelling
privacy
became
much Change the verb form
become
more
easier since Change the word
apply
internet
was invented. Add an article
the internet
This
helps us to organize our data more efficiently and search through them much more easily and quickly. For example
, cloud spaces have been used to uploading
pictures and movies which you could access Wrong verb form
upload
to
Change preposition
apply
them
via the Correct pronoun usage
apply
internet
connection without any need of
external storage.
Change preposition
for
On the other hand
, there are some dangers to peoples
life privacy and data which should be more concerned. Change noun form
people's
This
is because employees who work for internet
companies can access to
the user's information through the servers. Change preposition
apply
Furthermore
, a lot of social media accounts are hacked by professional hackers. For instance
, some years ago, The boss of Facebook company leaked all the user's information and gave them
to the government.
In conclusion, Correct pronoun usage
it
while
the internet
could be beneficial and very convenient, i
believe several issues Change the capitalization
I
are existing
in Wrong verb form
exist
tems
of security and personal Correct your spelling
terms
user's
data.Change noun form
user
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction presents the topic of discussion clearly and introduces your stance on the issue effectively. In this case, the introduction is somewhat unclear and does not set up the essay's argument coherently.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical sequencing of ideas and arguments. Make sure each paragraph has a central idea and is followed by supporting details or examples.
coherence cohesion
Check that a conclusion summarizes the arguments made and reflects back on the introduction. The conclusion in your essay, while present, could be strengthened by making a clearer statement that relates back to the arguments discussed.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by ensuring that you have a clear position throughout the response. It seems you do agree with the statement but your argument needs to be more nuanced and thoroughly developed.
task achievement
Develop ideas comprehensively, extending and supporting points with relevant evidence. In your essay, strive for a more detailed analysis and expansion of each point you're trying to make.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to substantiate your arguments. Doing so effectively strengthens your essay. The examples used in the essay are a good start but could be elaborated on for greater impact.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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