IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn, and should not have to pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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There are opinions in society arguing that workers should not be taxed at all and get to save all the earned money for themself.
However
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, I didn't conform to
this
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 idea. In many countries,
tax
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 is still the main source of
income
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 for the government and with
this
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tax
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, the government can run all of its functions,
such
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 as building infrastructure, providing education and healthcare, paying for civil servants, maintaining security and many more. Without adequate funding, the state will run into chaos which in turn can spiral into
failed
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a failed
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 state.
Venezuela
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 is a good example of
this
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, at one time
Venezuela
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 was abundant in
oil
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, and
with
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apply
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the rising price of
oil
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, gave
Venezuela
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 a lot of
devisa
Correct your spelling
device
 from
oil
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 export.
Instead
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 of taxing the sales of their
oil
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,
Venezuela
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 had cut many taxes and
gives
Wrong verb form
given
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 its citizens many unnecessary subsidies,
such
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 as free petrol. Now, after
Venezuela
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 started running out of
oil
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 and
oil
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 prices are no longer as high as it was,
this
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 country now struggling to pay for its daily necessities. Looking
further
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,
tax
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also
Add a missing verb
is also
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 a tool for countries to redistribute the
income
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 among their citizens. To balance
income
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 disparity between the rich and the poor.
This
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 can be done by applying higher
tax
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 tariffs on the wealthy person
while
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 giving low or even zero
tax
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 for
people
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 with low
income
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. The money gathered from the
tax
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 of wealthy
people
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then
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 can be used to pay for health subsidies and education costs for poor
people
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. An example of
this
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 can be seen in Indonesia, in Indonesia a person with an annual
income
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 of 5 Billion Rupiah can be taxed up to 35% of their
income
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,
while
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people
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 with an annual
income
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 of 60 Million rupiahs are not taxed at all. In conclusion,
tax
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 is still important for countries as the source of funding to run a well-functioning state, and
also
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 create welfare for its citizens.

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. The ideas should be organized in such a way that each paragraph naturally flows to the next. Connective words should be used appropriately to signal the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly address the question and outline your position. The conclusion should summarize your main points and reiterate your stance without introducing new information.
task achievement
Provide clear examples to support each of your main points. While you provided some examples, they could have been more specific and directly linked to the argument you are trying to make. Avoid general statements without clear illustrative examples.
task achievement
Your essay should comprehensively address the task, presenting relevant ideas and extending those ideas to provide a complete argument. Aim for a more thorough analysis that considers different perspectives and nuances of the topic.
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