IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Write about the following topic: Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn, and should not have to pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#topic #people #money #tax
There are opinions in society arguing that workers should not be taxed at all and get to save all the earned money for themself.
However
, I didn't conform to
this
 idea. In many countries,
tax
 is still the main source of
income
 for the government and with
this
tax
, the government can run all of its functions,
such
 as building infrastructure, providing education and healthcare, paying for civil servants, maintaining security and many more. Without adequate funding, the state will run into chaos which in turn can spiral into
failed
Add an article
a failed
show examples
 state.
Venezuela
 is a good example of
this
, at one time
Venezuela
 was abundant in
oil
, and
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the rising price of
oil
, gave
Venezuela
 a lot of
devisa
Correct your spelling
device
 from
oil
 export.
Instead
 of taxing the sales of their
oil
,
Venezuela
 had cut many taxes and
gives
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
 its citizens many unnecessary subsidies,
such
 as free petrol. Now, after
Venezuela
 started running out of
oil
 and
oil
 prices are no longer as high as it was,
this
 country now struggling to pay for its daily necessities. Looking
further
,
tax
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 a tool for countries to redistribute the
income
 among their citizens. To balance
income
 disparity between the rich and the poor.
This
 can be done by applying higher
tax
 tariffs on the wealthy person
while
 giving low or even zero
tax
 for
people
 with low
income
. The money gathered from the
tax
 of wealthy
people
then
 can be used to pay for health subsidies and education costs for poor
people
. An example of
this
 can be seen in Indonesia, in Indonesia a person with an annual
income
 of 5 Billion Rupiah can be taxed up to 35% of their
income
,
while
people
 with an annual
income
 of 60 Million rupiahs are not taxed at all. In conclusion,
tax
 is still important for countries as the source of funding to run a well-functioning state, and
also
 create welfare for its citizens.
Submitted by qmousenv on

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. The ideas should be organized in such a way that each paragraph naturally flows to the next. Connective words should be used appropriately to signal the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly address the question and outline your position. The conclusion should summarize your main points and reiterate your stance without introducing new information.
task achievement
Provide clear examples to support each of your main points. While you provided some examples, they could have been more specific and directly linked to the argument you are trying to make. Avoid general statements without clear illustrative examples.
task achievement
Your essay should comprehensively address the task, presenting relevant ideas and extending those ideas to provide a complete argument. Aim for a more thorough analysis that considers different perspectives and nuances of the topic.
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