Write about the following topic: Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn, and should not have to pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

There are opinions in society arguing that workers should not be taxed at all and get to save all the earned money for themself.
However
, I didn't conform to
this
idea. In many countries,
tax
is still the main source of
income
for the government and with
this
tax
, the government can run all of its functions,
such
as building infrastructure, providing education and healthcare, paying for civil servants, maintaining security and many more. Without adequate funding, the state will run into chaos which in turn can spiral into
failed
Add an article
a failed
show examples
state.
Venezuela
is a good example of
this
, at one time
Venezuela
was abundant in
oil
, and
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the rising price of
oil
, gave
Venezuela
a lot of
devisa
Correct your spelling
device
from
oil
export.
Instead
of taxing the sales of their
oil
,
Venezuela
had cut many taxes and
gives
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
its citizens many unnecessary subsidies,
such
as free petrol. Now, after
Venezuela
started running out of
oil
and
oil
prices are no longer as high as it was,
this
country now struggling to pay for its daily necessities. Looking
further
,
tax
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
a tool for countries to redistribute the
income
among their citizens. To balance
income
disparity between the rich and the poor.
This
can be done by applying higher
tax
tariffs on the wealthy person
while
giving low or even zero
tax
for
people
with low
income
. The money gathered from the
tax
of wealthy
people
then
can be used to pay for health subsidies and education costs for poor
people
. An example of
this
can be seen in Indonesia, in Indonesia a person with an annual
income
of 5 Billion Rupiah can be taxed up to 35% of their
income
,
while
people
with an annual
income
of 60 Million rupiahs are not taxed at all. In conclusion,
tax
is still important for countries as the source of funding to run a well-functioning state, and
also
create welfare for its citizens.
Submitted by qmousenv on

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. The ideas should be organized in such a way that each paragraph naturally flows to the next. Connective words should be used appropriately to signal the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly address the question and outline your position. The conclusion should summarize your main points and reiterate your stance without introducing new information.
task achievement
Provide clear examples to support each of your main points. While you provided some examples, they could have been more specific and directly linked to the argument you are trying to make. Avoid general statements without clear illustrative examples.
task achievement
Your essay should comprehensively address the task, presenting relevant ideas and extending those ideas to provide a complete argument. Aim for a more thorough analysis that considers different perspectives and nuances of the topic.

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