IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Detailed descriptions of crimes on newspaper and TV can have bad consequences on society, so this kind of information should be restricted on media. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#descriptions #crimes #newspaper #tv #consequences #society #information #media
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In today’s
society
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, many detailed
crime
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descriptions
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 flood newspapers and TV. In my opinion,
although
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 the dissemination could lead to negative influences on
society
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, an outright ban on
this
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 kind of
information
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 should not be imposed on
mass
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media
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 altogether. It is beyond doubt that massive
descriptions
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 of crimes in detail can have negative influences on
society
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.
Firstly
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,
this
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 can be detrimental to children's growth.
This
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 is because the details of
crime
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 normally carry numerous questionable contents, including bloodiness and violence, and are considerably widespread through
mass
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media
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 like newspapers and TV on a repetitive basis, which
have
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has
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 adverse impacts on children’s growth in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long run.
Secondly
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, the broad exposure of
crime
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descriptions
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 in
mass
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media
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 may potentially result in youth
crime
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.
This
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 is because
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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teenagers might be vulnerable to
imitate
Wrong verb form
imitating
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 negative
behaviors
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behaviours
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 from what they have seen
from
Change preposition
in
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media
Correct article usage
the media
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.
For example
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, the popularity of a series of gangster movies titled “Gu Huozai” caused many teenagers to imitate the plots of the movie, becoming gang members to do many illegal things
such
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 as theft and robbery.
Therefore
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,
crime
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 details in
mass
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media
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 do have bad consequences on our
society
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.
However
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, taking into account the aforementioned viewpoints does not necessarily yield an absolute conclusion that
this
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 kind of
information
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 should be forbidden in
media
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 for all. Acknowledging the latest criminal means through newspapers and TV could warn people to be precautionary, as a large number of people get
information
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 from the platform of
media
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. So appropriate dissemination must be allowed. In conclusion, it is undeniable that detailed
crime
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descriptions
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 in
mass
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media
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 may have bad effects on
society
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.
However
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, it does not inherently guarantee an indisputable view that we should restrict
such
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information
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 altogether.
Submitted by yangx on

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Ensure that your essay has a clear position throughout, and make sure each paragraph supports this position with relevant examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a broader range of coherence devices to link ideas and paragraphs together more seamlessly, and be precise with your argumentation in each body paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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