IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn, and should not have to pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I usually find some cases that can relate
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 topic.
Tax
Use synonyms
 may be
a sensitive things
Correct the article-noun agreement
a sensitive thing
sensitive things
show examples
 to discuss by some people that have a high
salary
Use synonyms
 but they
also
Linking Words
 have many
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 in their home.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 I have come across several cases,
they
Rephrase
where they
show examples
 have a minimum
salary
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
pay the
tax
Use synonyms
 too but they decide to not pay the
tax
Use synonyms
 just because they have still many
responsibility
Change to a plural noun
responsibilities
show examples
 to pay their children's school
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
, to meet household needs, etc. They ask that pay
tax
Use synonyms
 makes
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 have difficulty with
this
Linking Words
. So that's why more people only want to earn money than save that for some
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
. But, in
this
Linking Words
cases
Fix the agreement mistake
case
show examples
. as citizens who have the obligation to pay
taxes
Use synonyms
, we should
be obey
Change the verb form
obey
show examples
 the rules
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our
country
Use synonyms
. Pay
taxes
Use synonyms
 is
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
 if we have a
salary
Use synonyms
 that
able
Add a missing verb
is able
show examples
 to pay
tax
Use synonyms
.
Tax
Use synonyms
 regulation said that
tax
Use synonyms
 deductions will be deducted
according to
Linking Words
 the amount of
salary
Use synonyms
 you get. The
tax
Use synonyms
 will
deductions
Replace the word
deduct
show examples
 only a few
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 from
your
Change the word
the
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 that you gave from your company. We should
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
realize that we must
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pay
taxes
Use synonyms
 in our
country
Use synonyms
. Because as citizens of course we usually use state facilities
such
Linking Words
 as
used
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
road.  As we know some state facilities are made from the
taxes
Use synonyms
 we have paid.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, we always
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 another way to pay
tax
Use synonyms
 for
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, if we
bought
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 some goods or foods at the mall or restaurant, we automatically pay for 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
tax
Use synonyms
. On
this
Linking Words
topic
Add a comma
topic,
show examples
 I disagree if people only earn their money but they forget to carry out their responsibilities as citizens to pay
Use synonyms
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 but without realizing it, they always use state facilities. We must
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
help our
country
Use synonyms
 become a
country
Use synonyms
thay
Correct your spelling
that
 complies with regulations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay did not fully address all parts of the task. The prompt asked you to discuss your extent of agreement or disagreement with the notion that individuals should not pay taxes. Your argument was somewhat one-sided and didn't acknowledge the counter-arguments adequately. A more balanced approach could have strengthened your position. Additionally, providing a clear thesis statement at the end of your introduction would help to improve the clarity of your stance.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a coherent structure; this makes it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. You should organize your ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Also, make sure that you use logical connectors and transition words to better link your ideas within and between paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: