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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the total number of applicants the year before and the year after Doolittle University’s social media advertising campaign, organized by age range and how close the applicants live to the university.

The charts below show the total number of applicants the year before and the year after Doolittle University’s social media advertising campaign, organized by age range and how close the applicants live to the university.
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The bar chart illustrates the number of individuals who applied for United Kingdom
Collage
Correct your spelling
College
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 from various nations for a period of 5 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of students who applied for higher learning came from European nations and
Far
Correct article usage
the Far
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 East,
whereas
Linking Words
 only a few
applications
Use synonyms
where
Correct your spelling
were
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 from Africa.
Initially
Linking Words
, it
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 observed that many learners were from European nations with roughly thirty
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
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applications
Use synonyms
, but by 2003, it was Far East applicants who applied mostly.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2001 and 2002, over 20,000 students applied from
Far
Correct article usage
the Far
show examples
 East and those from Europe were vice visa.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 the number of European pupils who came to UK university in 2000 were 5000 more than those from
Far
Correct article usage
the Far
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 East.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that Middle
East
Replace the word
Eastern
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 students were almost three times higher than those from Africa in 1999 and more pupils kept applying
hence
Linking Words
 showing a growth in
applications
Use synonyms
 throughout the whole period
expect
Correct your spelling
except
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 in 2002
when
Rephrase
apply
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when we witnessed a drop
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Middle
East
Replace the word
Eastern
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 members.
Additionally
Linking Words
, only a
neglegable
Correct your spelling
negligible
 number of applicants came from Africa with under 10,000
applications
Use synonyms
hence
Linking Words
 making
this
Linking Words
 country the least nation that showed interest in UK
Collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "hence".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words applications with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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