Studying abroad can be highly motivational for students and also inspire their dreams. However, whilst studying abroad can have a number of positive effects on students, there are also many difficulties that they may meet along the way. With this in mind, it is more advantageous to study at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

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Some people argue that despite of benefits students can get when studying abroad, it
also
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has the opposite effects
along with
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their journeys there so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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it is better to
study
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at home. Based on
this
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perspective, my notion is contrary to
this
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issue
due to
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two related
things
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: learning new
things
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and wider the mind. Fundamentally, the main reason students tend to choose
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study
Fix the infinitive
to study
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overseas
because
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is because
show examples
they want to learn about new
things
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which
associated
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are associated
show examples
with wider their minds. People who enter local universities sometimes
had
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have
show examples
limitation
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limitations
show examples
in regard to experience because there are not a lot of various
things
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to deal with. Based on the mentioned explanation, it can be illustrated by how
majority
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the majority
a majority
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of international students have better adaptation
skill
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skills
show examples
and communication
skill
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skills
show examples
,
in contrast
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to the
local
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locals
show examples
.
This
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is caused by the the diversity of people from different
knowldge
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knowledge
that they met
while
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studying there. It leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
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more
acknowledgable
Correct your spelling
acknowledgeable
knowledgeable
attitude and it is clearly shown that
this
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is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
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valueable
Correct your spelling
valuable
benefit.
In addition
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, I personally think, they change into individuals who respect other
view points
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viewpoints
show examples
because they already know about the reason behind the attitude. If
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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just focus and play safe (
study
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at home), they would not have any improvement towards their brains and mentals.
That is
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why it is better to
study
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in another country if you have a chance. In conclusion,
eventhough
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even though
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study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
in
diffrent
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different
country
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countries
show examples
has its own obstacle, it is still considered
as
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a
show examples
beneficial action to be
done
Verb problem
taken
show examples
by learners
due to
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the better experience and mindset.
In addition
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, I still
remained
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remained to
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disagree
of
Change preposition
with
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this
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matter.
Submitted by e.warikar on

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grammar
Be vigilant with your use of 'despite of' as 'despite' alone is more appropriate. The phrase 'wider their minds' is incorrect; it should be 'widen their minds' - remember to use the correct verb form.
structure
The argument could be enhanced by clearer thesis statement and topic sentences that delineate your paragraphs. An essay should ideally follow a clear, logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs that each introduce an idea, support it with evidence, and then conclude the idea, leading to the next paragraph.
coherence
Your essay could benefit greatly from more careful organization. Present ideas in a logical sequence, which includes organizing paragraphs and using linking words effectively (e.g., however, consequently, for example).
development
You attempted to provide examples to support your points, but the examples given are quite generic and lack specificity. Try to give clear, concise examples that directly support your thesis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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