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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, people are spending more hours at their workplace. Why is that? Is that a negative and positive development?

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In many nations, some people have a tendency to spend more
time
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 at their workplace.
This
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 essay attempts to provide
further
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 clarifications upon
this
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 tendency before concluding that it is detrimental to both
workers
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 themselves and their families. there are several reasons why people spend extended
hours
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 at their workplace.
Firstly
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, these days, the cost of living is likely to be much higher than in the past,
therefore
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workers
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 have to earn more money to relieve the financial burden on their families.
For example
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, by working more
time
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, they could pay prices for themselves
such
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 as housing, education, and even food.
Furthermore
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, the trend that many are spending extra
hours
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 working could be explained by the fact that many enterprises are understaffed. Factors,
such
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 as the company’s inability to recruit enough
workers
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, and employee turnover, may force existing employees to work for longer
hours
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. I would contend that the growing trend towards increased
hours
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 at workplaces is going to have serious problems. One drawback might be that, on the individual level, individuals who often tend to work for a long
time
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 might be at a higher risk of severe diseases
such
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 as mental fatigue or even obesity
due to
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 the fact that
workers
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 do not have enough
time
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 to take a break and recharge their battery.
Moreover
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, With respect to family units, spending more
time
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 at the workplace is synonymous with less quality
time
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 for the family. Failure to spend sufficient
time
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 with family could weaken the bonds among family members, which could lead to family problems,
such
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 as domestic violence or parent arguing, and even divorces in worst-case scenarios. In conclusion, the desire to increase incomes and short-handed companies make a contribution to working
time
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 among many people, and I am convinced that the negative trend is mentioned above.

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coherence cohesion
While your essay provides a clear overall structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, it would benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly address the question and more effective use of linking phrases to enhance readability.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure you fully address all parts of the prompt, offer more detailed examples to support your points, and maintain focus on the prompt. Your response covers the main aspects of the question, but you could develop your arguments further and provide more specific examples for higher band scores.
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