In many countries, people are spending more hours at their workplace. Why is that? Is that a negative and positive development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In many nations, some people have a tendency to spend more
time
at their workplace.
This
essay attempts to provide
further
clarifications upon
this
tendency before concluding that it is detrimental to both
workers
themselves and their families. there are several reasons why people spend extended
hours
at their workplace.
Firstly
, these days, the cost of living is likely to be much higher than in the past,
therefore
workers
have to earn more money to relieve the financial burden on their families.
For example
, by working more
time
, they could pay prices for themselves
such
as housing, education, and even food.
Furthermore
, the trend that many are spending extra
hours
working could be explained by the fact that many enterprises are understaffed. Factors,
such
as the company’s inability to recruit enough
workers
, and employee turnover, may force existing employees to work for longer
hours
. I would contend that the growing trend towards increased
hours
at workplaces is going to have serious problems. One drawback might be that, on the individual level, individuals who often tend to work for a long
time
might be at a higher risk of severe diseases
such
as mental fatigue or even obesity
due to
the fact that
workers
do not have enough
time
to take a break and recharge their battery.
Moreover
, With respect to family units, spending more
time
at the workplace is synonymous with less quality
time
for the family. Failure to spend sufficient
time
with family could weaken the bonds among family members, which could lead to family problems,
such
as domestic violence or parent arguing, and even divorces in worst-case scenarios. In conclusion, the desire to increase incomes and short-handed companies make a contribution to working
time
among many people, and I am convinced that the negative trend is mentioned above.
Submitted by pnkhanhlove on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While your essay provides a clear overall structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, it would benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly address the question and more effective use of linking phrases to enhance readability.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure you fully address all parts of the prompt, offer more detailed examples to support your points, and maintain focus on the prompt. Your response covers the main aspects of the question, but you could develop your arguments further and provide more specific examples for higher band scores.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: