IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
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For
the
Correct article usage
apply
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survival in
this
Linking Words
 world, a
person
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 needs
house
Correct article usage
a house
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,food and shelter and in all of them,
significant
Add an article
a significant
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 role is played by
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job
Correct article usage
a job
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. One handful of people believe that it is a helpful
way
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 of collecting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information
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 related to any
employee
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 who is selected for the
job
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 because it helps the
employer
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 to know that
Use synonyms
person
Change noun form
person's
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 abilities and
strength
Fix the agreement mistake
strengths
show examples
 in their field. Another set of people think that it is
an
Correct article usage
apply
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irrelevant to take any personal
information
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 may be
such
Linking Words
 data may be inaccurate provided by the
employee
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 just for the sake of
work
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. In my opinion, it is right to have it in the
employee
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's record. On the one hand, it is a useful
way
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 to keep the
job
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 seeker
infomation
Correct your spelling
information
 in the record for future use.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is an easy
way
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 to access any
canadate's
Correct your spelling
candidate's
candidates
 interest and know about their personality and
abililty
Correct your spelling
ability
 to
work
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 in that field.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
Use synonyms
employer
Add an article
an employer
the employer
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 wants to understand the
capabillity
Correct your spelling
capability
 of his worker,
then
Linking Words
 he has the report
of
Change preposition
apply
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that
person
Use synonyms
's
weekness
Correct your spelling
weakness
 and strength, which will become a strong point to judge
for
Change preposition
apply
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the
employee
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's
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work related
Add a hyphen
work-related
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 competence to do it.
Hence
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, it helps both
employer
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 and
job
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-seeker to
work
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 together.
On the other hand
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,
such
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 a system of having any personal
information
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 related to any worker may be not real, futher
this
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all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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detail
Fix the agreement mistake
details
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 may
be
Verb problem
apply
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mislead the
employer
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while
Linking Words
 giving the title to that
employee
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, for the
job
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, any
person
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put
Correct subject-verb agreement
puts
show examples
wrong
Add an article
the wrong
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information
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 in their details which will not the best
way
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 to select that
person
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 or there may be a chance that
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best
suit
Replace the word
suited
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 for the
job
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 may
be remain
Change the verb form
remain
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umemployed
Correct your spelling
unemployed
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is not real
information
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 provided by
Use synonyms
job-seeker
Correct your spelling
job seekers
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
way
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 to know that any
person
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 who is employed by the company
to know
Change the verb form
knows
show examples
 about it and it may be just
a not original personal
Remove the article
not original personal information
a piece of not original personal information
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information
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 , only for
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job
Correct article usage
a job
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 matching the requirements. In my opinion, it is the best
way
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 to know about the
person
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 who will
work
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 in any company by the company HR who is selecting that
person
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by gs9542529 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a basic level of coherence, with some attempt to organize ideas and information. However, the logical sequence of ideas is not always clear, and sentences sometimes fail to connect in a meaningful way. To improve, focus on creating a more logical structure that clearly guides the reader from one point to the next. Make use of cohesive devices appropriately, such as linking words and phrases, to better connect your sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Your response generally addresses the task, presenting some relevant ideas concerning the collection of personal information during job applications. However, you need to provide clearer, more comprehensive ideas. Develop your points more fully and provide specific, relevant examples to support your arguments. Additionally, work on staying focused on the task throughout the essay to ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed equally. Clearer paragraphing and more focused idea development will enhance your task response.
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