Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?
Regarding the increase in
violence
on screens and in virtual reality these days, some experts claim that this phenomena
has a negative impact on the community. Others, Change the determiner
this phenomenon
these phenomena
however
, contend that person's
attitude is unaffected.
I firmly think that Correct article usage
a person's
violence
in the media
has an impact on people
's behaviour, particularly that of children
and teenagers. I'll use a few studies in this
essay to demonstrate the detrimental effects of violence
in video games.
First of all, I believe that if individuals are constantly exposed to violent media
, they would
grow accustomed to it as a normal way of thinking and behaving in daily life. Put another way, one possible motivation for some Wrong verb form
will
people
who get rewarded for using violence
in virtual reality could be a desire to experience it in the real world.
In addition
to that, an American study conducted in 2021 at California University on 700 individuals aged between 18-25 showed that 65% of those who play crime games eventually purchase actual guns to experience what it's like to shoot a pistol in real life.
Furthermore
, the majority of people
impacted by media
violence
are children
and teenagers. Scientific researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
have
demonstrated that Correct subject-verb agreement
has
children
behave based on what they observe and hear rather than on their own initiative, particularly in situations where parental supervision is absent.
For instance
, my six-year-old nephew slapped his younger sister a week ago after witnessing it in the WWE Wrestling show, he said.
Taking everything into account, I would like to say that watching violent media
has a seriously negative impact on people
's attitudes and behaviours. Children
are primarily impacted by violent video games, and getting rewarded for violence
in virtual reality is one of the main reasons.Submitted by wathiq.online22 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well and provides a clear opinion, which is consistently supported throughout. However, the introduction could be clearer by stating explicitly what your opinion is right from the beginning to make it more impactful.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally well-organized, some paragraphs could use clearer topic sentences to improve the logical flow. Additionally, transitions between some ideas could be smoother to ensure better coherence.
task achievement
You have effectively used specific examples and studies, which strongly support your arguments and add credibility to your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a logical progression of ideas, making it easy to follow. Each paragraph supports your main argument, contributing to overall cohesion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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