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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the life cycle of the silkworm and the stages in the production of silk cloth. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #life #cycle #silkworm #stages #production #silk #cloth #information #features #comparisons
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The diagram
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 the processing of
life
Correct article usage
the life
show examples
 cycle of the silkworm by four steps
according to
Linking Words
 periods.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
how
produce
Add the particle
to produce
show examples
 the
silk
Use synonyms
 cloth
Overall
Linking Words
, the cycle of the silkworm has
completed
Add a missing verb
been completed
show examples
 by four main stages. Starting the cycle
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 eggs.
Then
Linking Words
 grow
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
during separate
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 of formation different
shape
Fix the agreement mistake
shapes
show examples
 called mulberry leaf and other
silk
Use synonyms
thread
Fix the agreement mistake
threads
show examples
 which
similar
Add a missing verb
are similar
show examples
 to the next called cocoon before
complete it
Wrong verb form
completing
show examples
 as
moth
Add an article
a moth
show examples
.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, the stages of production of
silk
Use synonyms
 cloth are boll, unwind, twist,
weave
Correct word choice
and weave
show examples
. As you see, after present eggs
it has
Verb problem
are
show examples
 converted and produce the food,called mulberry leaf with double
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
silkworm larva protrusion,which
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 10 days. During 4-6 weeks it
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
pair
Correct article usage
a pair
show examples
 of
silk
Use synonyms
 thread with small tile (larva),yet
3
Change preposition
in 3
show examples
-8 days both of them are fusion as small oval (cocoon).
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the final sixteen days
moth
Correct your spelling
month
show examples
 is
complete
Change the adjective
completely
show examples
 developed.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when we
boiling
Wrong verb form
boiled
show examples
 the
clothon
Correct your spelling
cloth on
cloth
 water the diameter of
thread
Correct article usage
the thread
show examples
 extended to 900 m,
Linking Words
lastly
Correct word choice
and lastly
show examples
, twist and wave stain by the dye.
Submitted by M on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words silk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Silkworm (Bombyx mori)
  • Sericulture
  • Egg
  • Larva/larvae
  • Cocoon
  • Moth
  • Mulberry leaves
  • Pupa/pupae
  • Spinning
  • Weaving
  • Dyeing
  • Silk threads
  • Silk cloth
  • Life cycle
  • Metamorphosis
  • Harvesting
  • Domestication
  • Natural fibers
  • Textile industry
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