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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows information about the favorite subjects of students from two middle schools, school A and school B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows information about the favorite subjects of students from two middle schools, school A and school B. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given bar chart illustrates
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the student's
favourite
Use synonyms
 courses
such
Linking Words
 as social
science
Use synonyms
,
science
Use synonyms
, language,
craft
Use synonyms
 and sport between two schools namely
school
Use synonyms
 A and
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
 from
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 perspective, sport is the most preferable
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
 for
students
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from
school
Use synonyms
 A
whereas
Linking Words
craft
Use synonyms
 is the
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 student's
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
favourite
Use synonyms
 one.
Science
Use synonyms
 subject is the least
favourite
Use synonyms
course
Use synonyms
 of
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
craft
Use synonyms
 is the least one of
school
Use synonyms
 A learners.
Linking Words
According to the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 graph shows that
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 A
students
Use synonyms
 have
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 desire
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
sport
Correct article usage
a sport
show examples
course
Use synonyms
 as compared to
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 pupils, at 36 and 5 respectively.
School
Use synonyms
 A pupils have the second
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
favourite
Use synonyms
 subject is
science
Use synonyms
, which is 9
while
Linking Words
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 has only 2.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
craft
Correct article usage
the craft
show examples
course
Use synonyms
 than
school
Use synonyms
 A, which is 25 and 4 respectively.
Similarly
Linking Words
, language subject is the second most
favourite
Use synonyms
course
Use synonyms
 for
school
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 learners as compared to
school
Use synonyms
 A, at 18 and 15 respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words favourite, science, craft, school, b, students, course with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • comparative data
  • favorite subjects
  • middle schools
  • horizontal axis
  • vertical axis
  • quantifies
  • preference
  • initial observation
  • significantly greater interest
  • shared enthusiasm
  • favored
  • attracts more students
  • draws the highest number
  • popularity
  • outliers
  • subject preferences
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