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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #team #sports #school
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Many people believe that the most effective
way
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 to teach students to cooperate with each other is to play
team
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sports
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 at school. From my point of view, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view and think that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 will be more
cooperate
Replace the word
cooperative
show examples
 with each other when they play
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 together. In the following paragraphs, the reasons to support my opinion will be outlined in detail.
To begin
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 with, I strongly believe that sport can boost unity among the group of
children
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 for many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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. For the first reason, each player in
team
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sports
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 has their own specific duty in the
game
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,
therefore
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 the result of a
game
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 will
be depended
Wrong verb form
depend
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 on the abilities to organize
players
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 and
teamwork
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. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other
word
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words
show examples
, if
players
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 in a
team
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 do not understand each other's skill or abandon some role in the
team
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,
such
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 as goalkeeper in football, they will lose the
game
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 easily.
As a result
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,
children
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 who play
team
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sports
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 have to be
teamwork
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 to defeat their opponent
,
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apply
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 and losing is an awesome
way
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 to teach them to cooperate. Another reason is that there are many rules that can affect the
game
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 in
the
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a
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 negative
way
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 if
players
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 do not have
sportmanship
Correct your spelling
sportsmanship
, which
teamwork
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 is a part of it, and
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 will be taught to cooperate with
Add an article
the thair
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thair
Correct your spelling
their
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team
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 when they break the rule and be punished. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
word
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
, these rules are made for controlling
players
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 to have
sportmanship
Correct your spelling
sportsmanship
 and cooperate with their
team
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, and
players
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 that do not have
teamwork
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 will be punished.
Therefore
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,
children
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 who break the
rule
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rules
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,
such
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 as getting
red
Add an article
a red
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 card in football and
cannot
Verb problem
not
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participate
Wrong verb form
participating
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the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
game
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 until the end, will be acknowledged that they have to cooperate with
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team
Add an article
the team
show examples
, and improve themselves in the next
game
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.
Therefore
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,
team
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 sport is the most effective
way
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 to teach
children
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 to cooperate with each other. In conclusion, playing
team
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sports
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 can cause
players
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cooperate
Add the particle
to cooperate
show examples
 with their
team
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, and
this
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adventage
Correct your spelling
advantage
 can
be use
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be used
show examples
 to teach
children
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 to cooperate with their friends in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school.
As a result
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,
children
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 will have
ability
Change the article
the ability
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 to do any work with
teamwork
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, which is good for them and society.
Submitted by bhurin.kua on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and logically follow on from the previous one.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. These should directly relate to the topic and be developed sufficiently to demonstrate how they support your argument.
language
Take care to ensure language accuracy, including grammar, vocabulary, and punctuation. Errors can impact the clarity of your ideas and the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs with a single, clear theme, and use cohesive devices appropriately to link your ideas both within and across sentences.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address the task prompt. Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and ensure that your stance is clear throughout the essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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