IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

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The famous
Correct article usage
Famous
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people
Use synonyms
's income
are
Change the verb form
is
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 always being
gossip
Wrong verb form
gossiped
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by
Change preposition
about by
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community
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the community
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. Some
people
Use synonyms
 notice that
celebrities
Use synonyms
 earn more money than politicians. Personally, I think there are several factors, and the following content will outline them. The improvement of technology
of
Change preposition
in
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 social media and globalisation are the two major reasons
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because it means that
celebrities
Use synonyms
 have more opportunities to be seen by the whole world.
For example
Linking Words
, in the past,
celebrities
Use synonyms
' movies and commercials
only
Add a missing verb
were only
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 published in their country or even city,
as a result
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, their income
are
Wrong verb form
was
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 limited by the border of nations. Compared with these years, globalisation removes the border and lets information widely spread,
therefore
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, national
celebrities
Use synonyms
 could become international movie stars by being published
by
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media, and their movies and products could
also
Linking Words
been
Change the verb form
be
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sell
Wrong verb form
sold
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 to the whole world, which makes them richer than before.
In contrast
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, even though a politician could be famous, most income
depend
Change the verb form
depends
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 on their salaries, so it does not change obviously. Journalism might more focus on entertaining news rather than political events. Mostly, social media prefers
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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explosive news,
hence
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,
gossips
Fix the agreement mistake
gossip
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 from
celebrities
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,
such
Linking Words
 as movie
star
Fix the agreement mistake
stars
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,
athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
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 or internet
celebrity
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
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 will be a better choice for
Add an article
a journalist
the journalist
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journalist
Fix the agreement mistake
journalists
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 to write
an
Correct article usage
apply
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eye-catching
headline
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headlines
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.
While
Linking Words
 readers
put
Verb problem
pay
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 more attention
on
Change preposition
to
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 the daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 of famous
people
Use synonyms
, they might ignore the ongoing events which may affect the future of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
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. In conclusion, the current technology
let
Verb problem
makes
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celebrities
Use synonyms
 more famous and richer than ever because it provides an enormous market for their products selling.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 situation
also
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 distract
people
Use synonyms
 from some political issues in their daily life which are waiting for solved.

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TR
Task Response (TR) - Your essay partially addresses the task; however, it does not fully develop an argument that reflects all parts of the prompt. The reasons explaining why celebrities earn more money than politicians are mentioned, but there's a lack of in-depth analysis. More importantly, you fail to effectively address the second part of the question regarding whether this is a positive or negative development. Consider devoting a full paragraph explicitly to discussing and evaluating the implications of this trend.
CC
Coherence and Cohesion (CC) - Your essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Yet, the logical sequencing of ideas could be improved for better clarity. While paragraphs are used, the connection between them could be made stronger with better use of cohesive devices and clear topic sentences that directly relate to the questions posed. Pay closer attention to how the ideas flow and connect more seamlessly from one paragraph to the next.
LRGRA
Lexical Resource and Grammatical Range and Accuracy (LRGRA) - While this criterion has not been explicitly mentioned, your essay demonstrates a limited range both in vocabulary and grammatical structures. Misuse of words and awkward phrasing ('famous people's income are always being gossip by community') distract from the message. Work on precision in language use and aim to correct grammatical errors to elevate the overall quality of your writing.
PF
Pronunciation and Fluency (PF) - This criterion is typically evaluated in a speaking test rather than in writing. However, an awareness of appropriate intonation, stress, and rhythm when conveying your ideas orally can contribute to clearer communication.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorsements
  • revenue streams
  • global presence
  • diversified branding
  • income sources
  • free-market principles
  • market value
  • government budgets
  • public funds
  • public perception
  • value generation
  • bureaucratic
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
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