Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
The famous
Correct article usage
Famous
people
's income are
always being Change the verb form
is
gossip
Wrong verb form
gossiped
by
Change preposition
about by
community
. Some Add an article
the community
people
notice that celebrities
earn more money than politicians. Personally, I think there are several factors, and the following content will outline them.
The improvement of technology of
social media and globalisation are the two major reasonsChange preposition
in
,
because it means that Remove the comma
apply
celebrities
have more opportunities to be seen by the whole world. For example
, in the past, celebrities
' movies and commercials only
published in their country or even city, Add a missing verb
were only
as a result
, their income are
limited by the border of nations. Compared with these years, globalisation removes the border and lets information widely spread, Wrong verb form
was
therefore
, national celebrities
could become international movie stars by being published by
Change preposition
on
the
social media, and their movies and products could Correct article usage
apply
also
been
Change the verb form
be
sell
to the whole world, which makes them richer than before. Wrong verb form
sold
In contrast
, even though a politician could be famous, most income depend
on their salaries, so it does not change obviously.
Journalism might more focus on entertaining news rather than political events. Mostly, social media prefers Change the verb form
depends
some
explosive news, Correct quantifier usage
apply
hence
, gossips
from Fix the agreement mistake
gossip
celebrities
, such
as movie star
, Fix the agreement mistake
stars
athlete
or internet Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
celebrity
will be a better choice for Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
Add an article
a journalist
the journalist
journalist
to write Fix the agreement mistake
journalists
an
eye-catching Correct article usage
apply
headline
. Fix the agreement mistake
headlines
While
readers put
more attention Verb problem
pay
on
the daily Change preposition
to
life
of famous Fix the agreement mistake
lives
people
, they might ignore the ongoing events which may affect the future of nation
.
In conclusion, the current technology Add an article
the nation
a nation
let
Verb problem
makes
celebrities
more famous and richer than ever because it provides an enormous market for their products selling. However
, this
situation also
distract people
from some political issues in their daily life which are waiting for solved.Submitted by chaoweikevin on
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TR
Task Response (TR) - Your essay partially addresses the task; however, it does not fully develop an argument that reflects all parts of the prompt. The reasons explaining why celebrities earn more money than politicians are mentioned, but there's a lack of in-depth analysis. More importantly, you fail to effectively address the second part of the question regarding whether this is a positive or negative development. Consider devoting a full paragraph explicitly to discussing and evaluating the implications of this trend.
CC
Coherence and Cohesion (CC) - Your essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Yet, the logical sequencing of ideas could be improved for better clarity. While paragraphs are used, the connection between them could be made stronger with better use of cohesive devices and clear topic sentences that directly relate to the questions posed. Pay closer attention to how the ideas flow and connect more seamlessly from one paragraph to the next.
LRGRA
Lexical Resource and Grammatical Range and Accuracy (LRGRA) - While this criterion has not been explicitly mentioned, your essay demonstrates a limited range both in vocabulary and grammatical structures. Misuse of words and awkward phrasing ('famous people's income are always being gossip by community') distract from the message. Work on precision in language use and aim to correct grammatical errors to elevate the overall quality of your writing.
PF
Pronunciation and Fluency (PF) - This criterion is typically evaluated in a speaking test rather than in writing. However, an awareness of appropriate intonation, stress, and rhythm when conveying your ideas orally can contribute to clearer communication.
