IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

many today feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today’s changing world, I think social
media
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 is making
harder
Correct pronoun usage
it harder
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 for many people to concentrate for a long
time
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. Some people get distraction anytime when use social
media
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 a lot. Imagine, you are watching a video content on your social
media
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 account.
Then
Linking Words
 you get a message. So, you quickly
check
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 it. After that
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
 notification pop-up and you are ready to
check
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 it well. It’s like
never-ending
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a never-ending
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 cycle that keeps breaking your focus.
However
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, when we use
socia
Correct your spelling
social
media
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, we see
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
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 of short posts, videos, or pictures. They are designed to catch our attention quickly. So, we get used to
this
Linking Words
 fast-paced way of consuming information. It becomes harder to concentrate on things that require more
time
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, like studying for an exam, or as simply
as
Correct word choice
apply
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reading books. From what I have seen, my friends and I still struggle to focus on one thing for too long
time
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. We would be studying, and suddenly, someone remembers they need to
check
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 their social
media
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. I have noticed
this
Linking Words
 in myself too. After spending
time
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 on social
media
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such
Linking Words
 as Instagram or
tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
, I find it difficult to sit down and read something lengthy without feeling the urge to
check
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 my phone. I usually
check
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 my phone every
minutes
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minute
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 just to swipe down my own notification.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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, I
does not
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do not
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waiting
Wrong verb form
wait for
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a
Change the article
an
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 urgent one. Sometimes,
that
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those
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 habits bite me like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crazy. From that statement, I agree that social
media
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 affects our attention spans, but it is not
only
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the only
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 reason. It is about how we manage our
time
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 and have
balance
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balanced
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 activities in our lives

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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. It jumps straight into the discussion without offering a proper introductory statement to set the context of the argument. Similarly, it ends abruptly without a proper conclusion. To improve, provide a clear introductory paragraph outlining the topic and your stance. Also, include a summarizing conclusion that restates your main points and your overall position on the issue.
logical structure
Your essay contains some logical structure. However, the ideas presented are sometimes disjointed and lack effective transitions between them. Consider using a more structured approach to organize your thoughts, with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph followed by supporting sentences and examples. Use linking words to create smoother transitions between points, and keep referring back to the question to maintain relevance.
supported main points
You have made some main points but they lack detailed support and development. Expand on your ideas by giving more specific examples or evidence to back up your claims. This will make your argument more convincing and comprehensive. It's also important to fully explore the implications of each point to show a deeper understanding of the topic.
complete response
The essay shows an understanding of the task, but the response is not fully developed. Aim to cover the question more comprehensively by discussing both sides of the argument, even if your opinion leans one way. Develop your ideas fully, provide a balanced view, and then give a reasoned conclusion on your position.
clear comprehensive ideas
While some ideas are relevant, the overall presentation is not completely clear or comprehensive. Work on developing clear, in-depth ideas rather than generalizations. Present a clear analysis of why social media affects attention spans and consider contrasting it with views that may disagree, to offer a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
relevant specific examples
You have introduced examples to support your argument, however, they are more anecdotal than specific. Aim to provide a wider range of examples or evidence that can support your claims more universally. These can be research findings, statistics, or scholarly opinions on the influence of social media on attention spans.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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