You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. In many parts of the world today there is a profitable market for products which lighten or whiten people's skin. Outline the reasons for using such products and discuss what effects they have in terms of health and society. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
#minutes #topic #parts #world #market #products #whiten #people #skin #outline #effects #terms #health #society
It is true that nowadays
people
pay more attention to their self-regulation, in particular
, they put emphasis on the color
of Change the spelling
colour
skin
.Towards Correct pronoun usage
their skin
this
issue, people
stand
on different Correct pronoun usage
who stand
ground
will give completely different views. Fix the agreement mistake
grounds
Whereas
, I will analyze this
situation from many aspects as follows.
To begin
with, there are several reasons why more and more people
choose to turn their skin
into white. Firstly
, It maybe
the change of aesthetic concept and can be Correct your spelling
may be
owed
to a vast array of television programmes. The characters in it are all very white and thin, Verb problem
attributed
then
from a long time influences, white and thin are the judgements of beauty
of a person will leave a foundation in their mind. Add an article
the beauty
Secondly
, people
live a better life than in the past. The more money they earn, the more chances of investing themselves they will get.Only because they gain much more income, they have power
to do things they like, especially take care of their Change the article
the power
skin
.
Then
I would like to share some effects that this
issue will bring with
. The first one Correct pronoun usage
with it
maybe
its Correct your spelling
may be
impacts
on Fix the agreement mistake
impact
people
's health. This
technology has developed in recents
years, Correct your spelling
recent
in other words
, noboday
can ensure if it will benefit Correct your spelling
nobody
people
or not do harm to them. Actually, it is not mature.
Besides
, this
product does not like anyother
things just Correct your spelling
any other
stay
on the surface of your Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
skin
, it is more like Correct article usage
a vaccinate
vaccinate
and Replace the word
vaccination
finally
go
into your body. Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
It
Correct pronoun usage
There
exists
risks. The second one is for society.Admittedly, Correct subject-verb agreement
exist
exaggerate
the usage of Wrong verb form
exaggerating
this
white products may lead Correct determiner usage
these
Change preposition
to the
the
terrible atmosphere in daily life, what Correct article usage
a
people
really need to pursue is the
normal healthy beauty.
In conclusion, for Correct article usage
apply
this
product, people
should see it from many perspectives and do
Verb problem
make
right
Correct article usage
the right
chioce
.
The government Correct your spelling
choice
also
supervise this
product and try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
their
best to protect Correct pronoun usage
its
people
's health.Submitted by ysh424 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay lacks clear and comprehensive ideas focused on the task and often deviates from the topic. Each paragraph should directly address aspects of the prompt with clear, well-explained points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has serious issues with logical structure and coherence. Paragraphs should follow a logical sequence and clearly support the overall argument of the essay.
General
To improve, outline your essay before writing. This will help with logical flow and coherence. Also, develop each point fully with clear, specific examples and explanations related to the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example