IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. Write a letter to your friend

#country #study #job #friend #lives #help
Hi Joe How are you? I heard you travelled to 14 Europe countries
this
 summer. How was your trip? You know,I have wanted to study in the UK since my childhood and the reason why I am writing
this
 letter to you is that if you have time,could you help me to find a part-time job in London? At the outset, I applied to major in education law for my master's degree and several days ago I got an e-mail from the University of Bristol. I was accepted into
this
 university and won 50% of the scholarship.
Furthermore
,after two days I will get answers for the
Chivining
Correct your spelling
Chevening
 scholarship too. I decided to live in
campus
Add an article
a campus
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 apartment.
While
Unfortunately
Add a comma
Unfortunately,
show examples
 I cannot find a flexible and part-time job near my university. I have been working in the sphere of Law since 2019 and I worked with several big companies,like Amazon and Microsoft. I had an incredible brilliant experience there. At the moment I want to work in government ministries,like the Ministry of Education or the Ministry of Youth. I will be over the moon if you help me to find some kind of job. I hope you will
giveme
Correct your spelling
give me
 a hand and I am waiting for your reply letter as soon as possible. Yours sincerely, Kim Chin In
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to clearly separate different ideas or topics into individual paragraphs. This will make your letter easier to read and enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
It might be beneficial to add more details about why you are looking for a job in the specific areas mentioned. Providing context could strengthen your request and help the reader understand your situation better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point of that paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
The greeting and closing of the letter are well-executed, giving a personable and friendly tone to the letter.
Task Achievement
The tone of the letter is appropriate and friendly, aligning well with the task of writing to a friend.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear reason for writing and included specific details about your study plans and scholarship status.
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