IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You are starting a new business and need to build a website. You have a friend who works for an IT company who you want to help you. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter •describe your new business •ask your friend to help you build the website •say how you will thank your friend for his/her help.

#business #website #friend #works #company #•describe #•ask #•say
Dear Tyson, I hope
this
 email finds you in good health and you are doing well. I am very pleased to let you know that I am going to start a new venture next month and I need your cooperation to build a website for my business. I am planning to start an online fashion portal with various kinds of clothes for men, women, and children.
Besides
, I am partnering with some fabulous fashion brands like AEO, Levi's and CK where I can list their items in my portal and get more profit.
However
, I would like to request you develop an eye-catching website for my trade so that I can continue
this
 business with global customers.
Moreover
, the website should be user-friendly with a good interface.
Additionally
, it needs the functionality for tracking the delivery and making an online payment. Please let me know your availability to talk in detail. I think we together can make
this
 a great success. All the best. Yours lovingly, Robert
Submitted by faisalmahamood on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a noticeable distinct paragraph for each asked task. In your letter, while you've addressed all the points required, refining and separating ideas further could improve clarity and focus.
task achievement
While you've done well in addressing all aspects of the task, to elevate your task response score, make sure your proposals are as specific as possible. For instance, suggesting potential meeting times or outlining preliminary ideas for the website could enhance your letter's effectiveness.
General
Consider varying your sentence structures and incorporating a range of vocabulary to add depth to your writing and make it more engaging.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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