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Band 4

Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. How far do you share this viewpoint?

#everybody #amount #income #support #charity
Society would pay to some organizations for those who need help. these charities are willing to cooperate with natural resources, Hospitals and many more. I probably do not participate in
this
, because they do not have clearance with the public and it is hard to trust how they struggle.
Firstly
, we pay taxes to the government to increase the efficiency of the country's resources.
in addition
, some country banks give the public a small fee loan.
although
 everyone tends to have these loans, related companies and organizations could earn these too.
However
,
this
 could be an opinion but we do not know what exactly donation does.
this
 is a question for the citizenry as to why we should have a charity.
As a result
,
this
 could lead us to money laundering.
for example
, they can create a fake factor for their costs and receive money from unknown payers.
On the other hand
, they can do many things for the clarity of their work and make something that they involved be better
such
 as poverty, jungles and many more. Charity could bring some benefits to people and keep the pressure down on the governments to do their job better and more efficiently because they could have public support and everyone wants to cooperate with
this
 volunteer effort. in conclusion, it is generally accepted that
donation
Fix the agreement mistake
donations
show examples
 can
take
Verb problem
put
show examples
 pressure
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 governance organizations,
while
 they tend to clear the way they job so well.
Submitted by sr.alizadeh9191 on

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coherence cohesion
It appears that you did not fully develop your ideas in a clear, logical progression, which is essential for a high score in coherence and cohesion. It's crucial to present your arguments in organized paragraphs, each with a clear main idea that is expanded upon with explanations or examples.
task achievement
In terms of task achievement, your essay suggests a personal viewpoint, but it fails to discuss both sides of the argument comprehensively. To improve your score, you should fully address all parts of the prompt, provide a clearer argument, and ensure that your essay has a definite conclusion that summarises your viewpoint and the points you discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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