the charts below show the internet use in different purposes in Australia in 2010,2011 and the percentage by users .

the charts below show the internet use in different purposes in Australia in 2010,2011 and the percentage by users .
The bar charts provide information about Australia's
internet
usage for three different purposes in the years 2010 and 2011.
Overall
, the
internet
is mainly used for emailing rather than other purposes and it is used by all
age
groups almost the same.
However
, social networking showed a downward trend
while
banking and bill payment fluctuation among the
age
groups.
Moreover
,
internet
usage in Australia accounted highest rate for mailing which is 100
while
for other reasons online baking and bill payment encoundered just above 60 and almost the same for social networking usage.
Furthermore
, the
age
group 15-24 individuals mostly
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social media platform
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
around 90%
while
age
above 65 older people only spends about 20%. Meanwhile, the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial purposes younger people only used less than 40% but the
age
group 25-34 was the highest among them almost 60%.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
email is used by almost 80% of every
age
individuals.
Submitted by me.sara22 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words internet, age with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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