IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
In recent decades, agriculture
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 faced with a vast development.
Nevertheless
, there are still numerous individuals who suffer from hunger. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the potential causes of
this
 issue and elaborate
some
Change preposition
on some
show examples
 relevant recommendations to address it.
To begin
 with, there are some reasons which give rise to
this
 problem.
Firstly
, it is considerable that in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developing countries, there is a low level of booming which
associates
Wrong verb form
is associated
show examples
 with poverty.
As a result
,
although
 the advances in agriculture
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 noticeable, the majority of poor people can't afford it.
In addition
, the price of the food will
be risen
Change to the active voice
rise
have risen
show examples
 as soon as it
is entered
Wrong verb form
enters
show examples
 to market. To explain, mediators who are in charge of selling products, have to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the price in order to provide their income.
Nonetheless
, there are several actions which could be taken to tackle
this
 problem.
For instance
, the government should consider some efficient projects to solve the issue of poverty,
such
 as providing financial incentives.
Furthermore
, farmers can attempt to sell their products by themselves.
Subsequently
, they can use retailers throughout the selling process
instead
 of huge companies.
To sum up
, it is unlikely to address
this
 problem in the foreseeable future.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 since it is by no means insurmountable, these measures are capable of tackling it in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term.
Submitted by amirrezadelghandi3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay provides a general response to the prompt, the development of ideas could be more thorough. Aim to explore the causes and solutions with greater depth, providing more detailed explanations and expanding on the concepts mentioned. Avoid general or superficial statements, and instead, opt for a more analyzed and reflective approach which explicitly relates back to the question.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates basic coherence, with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the logical progression of ideas can be improved. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be more fluent and the ideas within each paragraph should be more closely related to each other to provide better cohesion. Supporting ideas with examples or evidence can also help strengthen the argument and make the essay more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
Look at other essays: