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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say free time acitvities for the children should be organized by the parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and gives your opinion.

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It is sometimes argued that
parents
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 should arrange for kids’ spare
time
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activities
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 through their mature consciousness and experiences. I would argue that it is better to allow their
children
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 to choose their free
time
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activities
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. On the one hand, it is believed that
parents
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 put in order
leisure
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time
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activities
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 for their offspring
due to
Linking Words
 their maturity and high experience. They foresee and warn them how useful or dangerous these
activities
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 would be. Simultaneously, they will recognize which things will be proper for their ages and
also
Linking Words
 prevent them from playing games or spending too much
time
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 watching television.
For example
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, my friend sometimes observes two of her daughters and decides they should read books or swim for each of them whether they enjoy it or not. By following and organizing,
parents
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 can avoid doing wrong
acitvities
Correct your spelling
activities
 for them as long as whatever accidents would happen to them;
however
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, the
children
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 should be not happy about doing it.
On the other hand
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, I believe that freedom of choice connects
children
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 to reveal their natural talents. Some young people would like to swim than draw, others would prefer playing musical instruments rather than dancing whenever they have
leisure
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time
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. When they are fond of doing
this
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, gradually,
this
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 activity will become their passion and talent one day.
For instance
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, my
6-years-old
Correct your spelling
6-year-old
 little sister is keen on swimming in her spare
time
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, now she has got two golden medals for the school competition. My
parents
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 realized her hobby and supported and encouraged her to do it.
Parents
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 should respect their
leisure
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time
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activities
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, and encourage and support them if their
children
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 can develop their mentality and talents. In conclusion,
although
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parents
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 might have a right to decide the free
time
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activities
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children
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 should do.
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion,
parents
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 ought to allow kids to do whatever
leisure
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time
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activities
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 they have a passion for
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to develop their talents.

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Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay and your stance on the topic. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points and reiterate your opinion.
Logical Structure
Develop logical sequencing of ideas throughout paragraphs with suitable linking words to enhance cohesion. Avoid abrupt transitions between ideas.
Supported Main Points
Use topic sentences to introduce the main point of paragraphs clearly and develop these ideas fully with explanations, reasons, and examples.
Task Response
Address all parts of the task adequately. Include a balanced discussion of both views and ensure your opinion is clear throughout the essay.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Present ideas in a clear and comprehensive manner, making them easily understandable. Avoid ambiguity or vagueness in arguments.
Relevant and Specific Examples
Incorporate relevant examples that effectively support the main points. Ensure examples are specific, detailed, and to the point.
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