IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that climate change could have a negative effect on business. Other people think that climate change could create more business opportunities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The issue of whether the global
climate
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 will have an adverse effect on the business entity has generated mixed views in recent years. Some people argue that variation in weather conditions might cause irreversible damage to enterprises and lead international commerce to a vicious circle,
while
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 others contend that we can seek potential opportunities in those changeable
climate
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 phenomena. In my opinion, the prospects far outweigh the negative impacts in
this
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 case as organizations can seize the chance to upgrade their products and develop emerging industries.
Variation
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Variations
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 in weather conditions can certainly be harmful to the operation of a company or an industry.
For instance
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,
climate
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 change
such
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 as the greenhouse effect might accelerate global warming which could lead to poor harvest in agriculture; desertification requires local entities to rely more on seawater desalination facilities than groundwater at the expense of a rise in the cost of production; extreme weathers and natural disasters induce emergency shutdown in factories and department stores,
thus
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 bringing extra expenditure to a company. All of these scenarios pose a threat to our
trades
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trade
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 and result in a sluggish economy.
However
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, we should not omit the bright sides of an ever-changing
climate
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, as
this
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 is an instrument of business change. In terms of
merchandises
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merchandise
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 research and development, companies will focus on new demands related to
climate
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 conditions.
For example
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, a shortage
in
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of
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 water will facilitate the development of water purification systems in houses and offices. Online sales are more likely to dominate the retailing industry and become mainstream, as
this
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 will avoid any form of extreme weather that might be encountered in mortar stores to the utmost,
meanwhile
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meanwhile,
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 companies ensure a decrease in the cost of production. In summary,
while
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 the business world might suffer from the drawbacks of natural disasters, I firmly believe that every trade entity can find an enduring solution to
climate
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 change and make improvements from it.

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coherence cohesion
You showcased a well-structured essay with a clear opinion, and thorough discussion of both views. However, for an increase in score, you should ensure that the main points of your paragraphs are well-defined and they flow smoothly with the rest. This can be achieved through better topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
task achievement
You clearly discussed both places and also provided your opinion. To improve, provide a more thorough analysis of each point. This can be achieved by being more specific in your discussions.
lexical resource
You've used a number of topic related words and phrases showing a good range of vocabulary. However, there were instances where the essay should have been clearer. Always aim to make sure that the reader understands what you are saying without needing to read a sentence twice.
grammatical range accuracy
The majority of your sentences are error-free. Just be mindful to not overly-complicate sentences. Simplicity can often be more effective.
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