IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

#people #development
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Purchasing online recently become more popular in society.
This
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 results in negative effects like
people
Use synonyms
 becoming lazier in doing physical
activity
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 and some traders not following the online shop pattern. Meanwhile,
this
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 condition
also
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 results in positive impacts
such
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 as higher supply and demand
activity
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 and effectiveness in trading
activity
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. Through
this
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 essay, I personally believe the advantages bring more benefits. On one hand, the action of buying online shop products can stimulate the human brain to be lazier since it will decrease individual physical
activity
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 because they prefer staying at home rather than walking outside to buy their needs.
Moreover
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, in terms of sellers, it cannot be denied that some of them do not have the ability to dive into online life, making their chances to sell products harder nowadays.
for example
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, in some villages in east Indonesia, there is no strong connection to support the internet which makes villagers difficult to follow the
activity
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, let alone
people
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 who are not capable of understanding the online work, leading them to lose the opportunity.
on the other hand
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, online shopping leads to many advantages as well.
Firstly
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, the more online shops available the more buyers will come to buy products, leading to the growth of supply and demand in a country and intuitively will make the country's economy better.
for instance
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, in Indonesia, many traders get more benefits since they sell online; they
also
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 do not need a large space
instead
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, they just have an account to help them dive online.
Furthermore
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, with
this
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 invention,
people
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 can feel modernised through how effective online trading is, which is one of the pivotal actions nowadays. The easiness of getting what consumers want creates a positive impact not only on the individuals but
also
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 on the authority.
To sum up
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,
although
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 buying online has disadvantages in the occurrence, in my own perspective, the advantages that online shopping provides to
people
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 nowadays bring more benefits because it can
also
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 reflect the development of human invention.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction effectively paraphrases the question and clearly outlines the essay structure.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main ideas.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical progression of ideas by using a range of cohesive devices effectively.
task achievement
Develop each main point with specific examples and detailed explanations.
task achievement
Cover both advantages and disadvantages equally, to ensure a balanced discussion on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a formal tone and correct grammatical structures throughout the essay.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score for Task Achievement, make sure to fully address all parts of the task with expanded and supported ideas.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to proofread the writing for grammatical errors and typos, as these can detract from the overall quality and coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant gratification
  • rapid advancement
  • instant communication
  • online shopping
  • fast food delivery
  • social media platforms
  • immediate feedback
  • recognition and validation
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • convenience
  • decreased patience
  • delayed gratification
  • realistic expectations
  • work ethic
  • unrealistic expectations
  • stress
  • dissatisfaction
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