IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many museums charge people for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museum outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #people #admission #museum
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Nowadays, some
museums
charge
visitors
 for admission
while
 others are free. In my opinion, a small fee is the right option.
To begin
 with, if a museum is free, of course, there will be more
visitors
 because they will be encouraged to go. In fact, an advantage of that would be bringing more people to visit but sometimes
this
 brings to overcrowding and poor services.
On the other hand
, other galleries that require a ticket, usually are the most unique ones. By charging for admission, funds are generated and can be used for maintenance of the structure,
such
 as lights and cleaning.
Furthermore
, with more funds, there is a chance to host new exhibitions and even temporary exhibits.
For example
, some
museums
 invest their money in interactive paths, which are a great way to engage people and so, bring larger groups of people.
Moreover
,
that is
 a terrific way to make crowds passionate about culture and art in general. In order to make
museums
 accessible to everyone, it would be right to
charge
 a small amount of money.
Thus
, everyone could have the possibility to access the structure with a contribution.
For example
, some of the most famous and biggest
museums
 in the world,
such
 as the Louvre,
charge
visitors
 for admission, in order to maintain a high standard and improve. In fact, a big and famous museum brings
visitors
 to the country from all over the world and helps the local economy. In conclusion, I firmly believe that every gallery should
charge
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a small fee in order to bring improvements to the structure.
Submitted by chi63hi on

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task achievement
While the essay provides a good response to the prompt, it would benefit from a more balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages of charging for museum admission. Consider including some counterarguments and addressing them to present a well-rounded view.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, try using more varied linking phrases and ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For example, you could use transition words like 'However,' 'Moreover,' and 'Additionally' more frequently.
structure
The introduction clearly states the writer's opinion, setting up the essay effectively.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as references to the Louvre, make the argument more persuasive and concrete.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure, with each point being well-supported.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • educational programs
  • accessibility
  • low-income families
  • public engagement
  • admission fee
  • visitor experience
  • overcrowding
  • resources
  • inclusivity
  • economic downturns
  • financial independence
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