IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

As technology advances, traveling to space is likely to become an option for holidaysmakers in the future. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of space tourism?

#technology #advances #space #option #holidaysmakers #future #tourism
These are the days of
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 innovation. For
holiday makers
Correct your spelling
holidaymakers
show examples
 there is one more option generated to
travel
 in
space
 in the near future.
This
 essay will not only discuss the pros associated with
this
 notion but
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 cons will
also
 be highlighted. To commence, the
merits
Change the noun form
merit
show examples
 of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 in
space
 is a great idea. Individuals will come to know more about
space
 and
also
 helps
Correct article usage
the crowd
show examples
crowd
Fix the agreement mistake
crowds
show examples
 to visit a new place
out
Change preposition
outside
show examples
 of
Add an article
the earth
show examples
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
.
For instance
,
this
 will help
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 to gain practical knowledge of
space
 and science.
Secondly
, Humans can
travel
 freely without any restrictions.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
this
space
travel
hepls
Correct your spelling
helps
 people to be
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
show examples
 of their work and
relaxed
Wrong verb form
relax
show examples
 for
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 months.
For example
, far away from emails, deadlines, meetings, etc. It would provide another level of relaxation.
On the other hand
, there
many
Add a missing verb
are many
show examples
 disadvantages
also
 to
travel
 in
space
.
Firstly
,
space
travel
 is too expensive. Nowadays,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 in
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 is very costly,so here's the point of
space
 and it is not everyone's cup of tea.
For example
, tickets for suborbital
space
 with companies can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars and it is very difficult for
a deep pockets
Correct the article-noun agreement
deep pockets
a deep pocket
show examples
.
Secondly
, there is a risk of coming back to the planet.
Space
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 is riskier at the time of landing on the
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
 and if any issues occur in
space craft
Correct your spelling
spacecraft
show examples
then
 it can
led
Change the verb form
lead
be led
show examples
 to death
also
. In my opinion,
space
travel
 would be a great experience but it is very costly and
also
 riskier for
humans
Change the noun form
human
show examples
 life.
Therefore
,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 in
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 is a better option
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
space
.
Submitted by kp530241 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that you structure your essay clearly with distinct paragraphs for introduction, main points, and conclusion. Aim for a well-balanced argument by providing equal development for both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Introduce your topic effectively by paraphrasing the question and clearly stating what aspects you will discuss. End with a concise conclusion that summarizes your main points and presents your own opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples or relevant details. Avoid generalizations and make sure your examples fully illustrate your point.
task achievement
Ensure you fully address all parts of the task. Space tourism should be analyzed from both its advantages and disadvantages with a clear personal response.
task achievement
Your ideas should be explained clearly and developed comprehensively. Work on the clarity of expression and avoid vague statements. Focus on the complexity of the ideas rather than just repeating them.
task achievement
Use specific examples to ground your arguments. They should be relevant and strengthen the discussion of advantages and disadvantages. Avoid using hypothetical examples that do not support your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge
  • unprecedented
  • extraterrestrial
  • astronaut
  • cosmos
  • orbit
  • galaxy
  • stellar
  • astounding
  • groundbreaking
  • off-planet
  • revolutionize
  • exploration
  • interplanetary
  • lucrative
  • sustainable
  • detrimental
  • ethical
  • paradigm shift
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