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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many highschool graduates tend to take a gap year. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#highschool #graduates #gap #year #development
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Opinions are divided on whether a number of senior high school
students
 tends to deter university enrollment being positive or negative.
While
 acknowledging the advantages of
this
 trend, I firmly believe that taking a
gap
year
 is a decidedly negative development. Proponents of a
gap
year
 contend that it can help identify a suitable career path themselves because schools are inadequate
career
Change preposition
in career
show examples
 guidance
students
 become confused about their own orientation.
However
,
this
 line of reasoning is flawed as delaying tertiary education for one
year
 leads to
students
 no longer being motivated to go to college and
also
 becoming detached from study. That results in losing momentum and inspiration. Gradually increasing laziness toward studying so they find it hard to resume their education.
This
 is a testament to
necessity
Add an article
the necessity
show examples
 of taking a
gap
year
 Another reason advocates of having a
year
-long break.
This
 is the period
students
 earn money for school
due to
 a flotilla of having poor economic family background and inadequate pay supporting their children's university education.
Nevertheless
,
this
 thinking fails to mention that
students
 only can have entry-level jobs
such
 as sales staff, waiters, and so on. They don't have a degree to apply for high-paying jobs and are spending money on living expenses at
this
 time
therefore
 collecting insufficient tuition for studying.
This
 highlights
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 of the
deter
Wrong verb form
deterred
show examples
 university enrollment In conclusion,
whereas
 taking a
gap
year
 may have some positive aspects, I hold the firm belief that obstructive extreme study and giving up studying
due to
 passion for earning money
Submitted by phuonganh10192007 on

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introduction
Ensure that your essay's introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. The thesis statement must precisely convey whether you consider the gap year a positive or negative development.
body paragraph
Develop your body paragraphs with clear main ideas followed by specific examples and explanations. Each paragraph should focus on a single point related to the question.
cohesive devices
Use a range of cohesive devices to aid in the logical flow of your essay; however, use them accurately. Avoid overusing them or misplacing them, which can disrupt clarity.
conclusion
Write a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position effectively, providing a final thought or a call to action.
task response
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that your position is relevant and supported throughout your essay. Incomplete or partially developed points will lose marks.
language proficiency
Use various sentence structures and vocabulary to clearly articulate your ideas. Review your grammar and punctuation to avoid errors that can make your arguments less clear.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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