Children should do organized activities in their free time while others believe children should be free to do what they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
Opinions are divided on whether
children
’s free-time activities
should be scheduled or children
should be able to choose to do anything that they want. In my opinion, both views Correct word choice
whether children
benefits
Change the verb form
benefit
children
in different ways, but letting the kids choose by themselves is better as they would have more fun and develop their decisions-making
skills.
There are several advantages of having organized Correct your spelling
decision-making
activities
, in terms of their safety and socializing. In case that
parents take control of their Correct word choice
apply
activities
, they would choose health-appropriate leisure pursuits for their children
since as parents, they usually know the endurance of the children
. Besides
, if the school is the activities
’ organizers
, students Fix the agreement mistake
organizer
then
have a chance in meeting
new friends, especially Change preposition
to meet
who
have similar interests Correct pronoun usage
those who
with
them. Change preposition
to
Therefore
, children
could be more friendly and be happier in their lives as well as
to
improve their communication skills.
Fix the infinitive
apply
However
, that
Correct word choice
apply
children
are able to decide what they want to do would be better for them because of knowing their internal personalities and their ability in making
decisions. With regard to the former, more than anyone, Change preposition
to make
children
have clear ideas of what they like or dislike, so if someone puts them in a position that
they have to do what they are not into, they would be reluctant to engage in these Correct word choice
where
activities
. As a result
, children
could have an opportunity when finding
their strengths and their weaknesses in order to support their future careers. Another benefit of giving Wrong verb form
find
children
freedom is that it would automatically form a habit of making decision
based on their ability to distinguish between right and wrong. Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
Accordingly
, they would have a higher possibility of being independent in their
future, and they are likely to be more confident when deciding Change the word
the
in
an important event.
In conclusion, in spite of some benefits Change preposition
on
in
having organized Change preposition
of
activities
, I believe that the advantages of choosing freely what children
want are more significant, especially for their futures and personalities.Submitted by mac22080129 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical progression exists throughout the essay. While the essay is structured, certain paragraphs could be more tightly focused on the main topic.
introduction conclusion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion encapsulate the main ideas. Include a clear opinion statement in the conclusion for a stronger finish.
supported main points
Use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas. Despite some good use of linking words, aim for more sophisticated transitions to enhance the flow.
complete response
Address all parts of the task noticeably. You have covered the two views and given your own opinion, which is good.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop ideas further for a more comprehensive response. Ideas presented are relevant but expand on them with deeper analysis.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more specific examples to support the ideas. Real-life or hypothetical examples can make arguments more convincing.