Children should do organized activities in their free time while others believe children should be free to do what they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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Opinions are divided on whether
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

’s free-time
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should be scheduled or
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

children
Correct word choice
whether children

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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should be able to choose to do anything that they want. In my opinion, both views
benefits
Change the verb form
benefit

The singular verb benefits does not appear to agree with the plural subject views. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in different ways, but letting the kids choose by themselves is better as they would have more fun and develop their
decisions-making
Correct your spelling
decision-making

The word decisions-making doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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skills. There are several advantages of having organized
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, in terms of their safety and socializing. In case
that
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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parents take control of their
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, they would choose health-appropriate leisure pursuits for their
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

since as parents, they usually know the endurance of the
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if the school is the
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

organizers
Fix the agreement mistake
organizer

It seems that organizers may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, students
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

have a chance
in meeting
Change preposition
to meet

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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new friends, especially
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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have similar interests
with
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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them.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

could be more friendly and be happier in their lives
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

to
Fix the infinitive
apply

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

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improve their communication skills.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
that
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are able to decide what they want to do would be better for them because of knowing their internal personalities and their ability
in making
Change preposition
to make

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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decisions. With regard to the former, more than anyone,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have clear ideas of what they like or dislike, so if someone puts them in a position
that
Correct word choice
where

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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they have to do what they are not into, they would be reluctant to engage in these
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

could have an opportunity when
finding
Wrong verb form
find

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb finding. Consider changing it.

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their strengths and their weaknesses in order to support their future careers. Another benefit of giving
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

freedom is that it would automatically form a habit of making
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions

It seems that decision may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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based on their ability to distinguish between right and wrong.
Accordingly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they would have a higher possibility of being independent in
their
Change the word
the

The word their may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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future, and they are likely to be more confident when deciding
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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an important event. In conclusion, in spite of some benefits
in
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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having organized
activities
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, I believe that the advantages of choosing freely what
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

want are more significant, especially for their futures and personalities.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical progression exists throughout the essay. While the essay is structured, certain paragraphs could be more tightly focused on the main topic.
introduction conclusion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion encapsulate the main ideas. Include a clear opinion statement in the conclusion for a stronger finish.
supported main points
Use a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas. Despite some good use of linking words, aim for more sophisticated transitions to enhance the flow.
complete response
Address all parts of the task noticeably. You have covered the two views and given your own opinion, which is good.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop ideas further for a more comprehensive response. Ideas presented are relevant but expand on them with deeper analysis.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more specific examples to support the ideas. Real-life or hypothetical examples can make arguments more convincing.
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