IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You recently bought a product online, but when it arrived, it was not as described. Write a letter to the customer service team. In your letter

#product #customer #service #team
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with a recent order I made in your online shop two days ago. The order number is AB-123123-JA,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 account number is 12384748. Concerning the issue was occurred, I have purchased a new IP video camera which I intended to use to enhance the security of my house.
This
 renewal is crucial for me since I have a lot of business trips and want to be sure that my property is safe.
However
, the product that I received is not acceptable and can not be used for the purposes I described above. Specifically, the camera that was delivered, does not have the option to be connected to the network, despite the description on your site saying it has. Missing
such
 capability makes
this
 device impossible to use for remote monitoring.
Additionally
to
Change preposition
apply
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, the quality of the picture is much lower than claimed.
Instead
 of 300 DPI, it is 150. I believe that
such
 inconvenience was occasionally happened.
However
, I would kindly ask you to replace
this
 camera with a different model that matches the description. In case,
this
 is not possible, please make a refund. Yours faithfully, Vlad
Submitted by batashevge on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more linking words or phrases to connect ideas across sentences and paragraphs more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea to enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, provide a little more detail about how the issue with the product affects your situation, perhaps with a specific example.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are polite and appropriate for a formal letter, demonstrating good awareness of writing tone.
task achievement
You have addressed the main points of the task with clear descriptions of the problem and requested actions, showcasing effective task achievement.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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