People continue to commit crimes even after being penalized for their wrongdoings. Why do you think this happens? How can crime be stopped?

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There is no doubt that crimes plague every
society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. The occurrence of
repeating
Change the form of the verb
repeat

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb repeating. Consider changing it.

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offenders is quite high which can be attributed to prejudice towards criminals and inadequate health conditions.
Nevertheless
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is expected that
allocating
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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some proper educational programs and regular checks to avoid
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

phenomenon. Convicts who receive punishments
range
Wrong verb form
ranging

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb range. Consider changing it.

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from lenient to harsh penalties are more likely to recommit. The one main reason is that few employers are enthusiastic to hire felons because of the discrimination among the law-breakers, leading them
in
Change preposition
into

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a vicious circle of seeking
for
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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jobs and making it difficult to present themselves. Another potential point to make is that there is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of aftercare for those who just spent their long period in prison, resulting in relying on substance abuse and getting addicted to alcohol and drugs easily which deters
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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from gaining freedom and making wise decisions. In terms of solving problems, reducing the number of wrongdoers is a privileged method.
First,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

students should have all-rounded educational programs
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter especially about laws and regulations at a young age. Consider adding the comma(s).

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about laws and regulations at a young age to ensure future compliance with laws.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, criminals must show they are capable of leading a positive life in the future before integrating into
society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the government should conduct some essential psychological and psychiatric examinations to determine whether they have a tendency to relaunch themselves in a criminal path or not. In conclusion, people keep committing crimes
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the negative deep-rooted
notion
Fix the agreement mistake
notions

It seems that notion may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in
society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and an insufficient education approach leading to suffering from deteriorated health conditions.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, addressing these issues
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs

It seems that the verb need does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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to start with appropriate institutions and ensuring that offenders are ready to be released into
society
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, followed by an explanation and example where relevant. Develop paragraphs sufficiently and avoid overgeneralizations.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking ideas between sentences more effectively using a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task adequately, providing a balanced treatment of each part of the question. Expand on all points to ensure depth in treatment.
task achievement
Provide concrete and pertinent examples to support your ideas and statements, which helps in illustrating your points more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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