In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is a common belief that kids are being overweight and having
un healthy
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
diet
and the Fix the agreement mistake
diets
government
has to tackle this
issue. While
i
agree that Change the capitalization
I
this
perception is somewhat justifiable, i
still believe that there are other factors that have impacts on our decisions.
It is true that the Change the capitalization
I
government
could take concrete actions to have healthy and balanced-nutrition
for each Correct your spelling
balanced nutrition
students
in their schools. First and foremost, Change to a singular noun
student
children
are still quite young, so they do not have enough knowledge and finances to pay attention to a nutritious diet, they only eat what is given to them by their parents
and adults. In addition
, the government
needs to make policies to support schools with doctors providing regular dietary consultation
for individual development. Fix the agreement mistake
consultations
Secondly
, the government
could reduce taxes and prices for healthy products so people could buy more to serve a quality life. For example
, in America, fast food
is usually more expensive than healthy food
, so people with financial difficulties or expanded families often buy fast food
for their children
, so they always are being
overweight.
Unnecessary verb
apply
Nevertheless
, i
would argue that the Change the capitalization
I
children
themselves and their parents
are responsible for this
issue because of several reasons. Chief among these is that parents
are the people who understand their children
better than ever. Moreover
, they are the ones who buy and allow their children
to eat mainly in a day so they need to know exactly what is good for them. The second reason is that children
themselves prefer things that appeal to their taste rather than things that are good for health and weight, such
as candy and fast food
. If they cannot control what they eat, not only will it increase their weight, but also
cause dangerous diseases later on.
In conclusion, while
it is irrefutable that their parents
and the children
themselves need to be responsible for controlling weight quickly and eating unhealthy foods, the government
also
should be responsible in this
matter.Submitted by chinguyen291102 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the essay follows a more logical and cohesive structure. Introduction and conclusion paragraphs should clearly state the thesis and summarize the main points effectively without introducing new ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop main points more thoroughly with well-rounded examples and explanation. Each body paragraph should explore one main idea and be clearly connected to the overall argument.
Task Achievement
Address the task by taking a clearer position regarding the extent to which you agree or disagree. Maintain this position consistently throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. General statements can be improved by adding real-world evidence or data.
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