uestion:the most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. Do you agree or disagre with this statement?

Science
is the most useful invention of
modern
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the modern
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age. Upgrading
mans
Change to a genitive case
man's
show examples
life
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
should be the first priority of
science
.
I'm totally agree
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I totally agree
show examples
with
this
because the motive of developing
science
is just for easier to
people’s
lives
Firstly
, in
this
modern
era
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era,
show examples
we
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
wake up with
science
and it
continue
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continues
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till
then
go for
Wrong verb form
goes
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bad
also
Rephrase
apply
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at night.
everyday
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every day
show examples
we are using a lot of products to smother our
life
which is
gift
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a gift
show examples
from
science
. At
office
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the office
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we
are using
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use
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computer
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computers
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, electronic devices, air cooler
system
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systems
show examples
,printing devices etc. It
also
equals improve our households work like as there
outstanding
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an outstanding
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product like as washing matching, ac,pressure cooker,oven etc.
It's not be
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It's not
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possible to mention all the products which
is
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are
show examples
gift
Add an article
a gift
show examples
from
science
. Because it's
like
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apply
show examples
uncountable. But
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
all are very useful.
For
this
reason
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reason,
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science
should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spend more time
create
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creating
show examples
new things which will develop
people’s
future lives.
Secondly
,through
by
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apply
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the health
sector
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sector,
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many
people’s
life save
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lives have been saved
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by scientific
envention
Correct your spelling
intervention
.
there
Capitalize word
There
show examples
are a lot of mashing set up in the hospitals which
is
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are
show examples
doing remarkable work for
diagnosis
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the diagnosis
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various
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of various
show examples
disses
Correct your spelling
diseases
show examples
and
also
useful for treatment. But now a day's increasing new
disease
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diseases
show examples
rapidly,
public
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the public
show examples
suffer
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suffering
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from various unknown various. That's why there is no need to argue that
science
should give more
improtance
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importance
to updating
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the health
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health care
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healthcare
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sector. On the other
hands
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hand
show examples
,
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the Aducation
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Aducation
Correct your spelling
education
system
also
need
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needs
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special attention to
science
to develop
there
Correct your spelling
their
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higher studies
students
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students'
student's
show examples
activity.
However
,
science
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
not only given us
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
useful things but
also
give
Wrong verb form
given
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some
Correct pronoun usage
us some
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worst
Correct word choice
worse
show examples
things
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
.
For
example
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example,
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by using
Correct article usage
the
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internet many young
star's
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stars
show examples
spoiled
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spoil
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there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
lives. Porn addiction is one of
dangerous
Add an article
the dangerous
show examples
items
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
them. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion I would like to say that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science
should give the
gratest
Correct your spelling
greatest
prioritise
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
improving
people’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by jannathfarhana2 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and coherent structure. It is essential to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. The subsequent sentences should develop that idea and lead to a concluding sentence that wraps up the point made. Use linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs, but ensure that their use enhances the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but not fully effective. The introduction should paraphrase the question and clearly state your position. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion. Ensure that both are fully developed and clearly signal the beginning and end of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Some main points are supported, but often the support is not fully developed. Provide clear and direct explanations of how each point supports your argument. Use relevant examples to illustrate your ideas and explain their significance to your argument. Avoid making broad generalizations without sufficient evidence.
task achievement
While you have responded to the task, the response could be more complete. Ensure that you address all parts of the task prompt. Expand on your ideas to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. Avoid repeating the same points; instead, present a balanced view by considering multiple aspects of the issue.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear but lack comprehensiveness. Work on clearly articulating your thoughts in a structured and detailed manner. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea that is clearly stated and developed throughout the paragraph.
task achievement
The use of specific examples is limited, and the examples provided do not always strengthen your argument. Be sure to include clear and relevant examples that directly support your points. Each example should be elaborated upon to demonstrate how it pertains to the topic of improving people's lives through science.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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