Many people believe that money is one of the most important factors in a person's happiness. To what extent do you agree

In the
Add a comma
driven-world,
show examples
driven-world
Correct your spelling
driven world
show examples
almost everyone
live
Change the verb form
lives
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a comfortable life. Some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human beings think that wealth
is play
Wrong verb form
plays
show examples
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
role. I partially agree with
these statement
Change the determiner
this statement
these statements
show examples
. On the one hand, money is part
our
Change preposition
of our
show examples
life so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is important thing everyone want to live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
luxury
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
life
Submitted by sobirovdadaxon2006 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure
It is noticed that the essay is incomplete which leads to a low score on the logical structure. An IELTS essay should consist of at least four paragraphs including an introduction, two or more body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is present but lacks a clear thesis statement. There is no conclusion. Work on creating a complete essay that includes both these elements to guide the reader through the argument.
supported main points
The main point about money being necessary for a luxury life is somewhat supported, but more development and explanation are needed. Substantiate your argument with more examples and detailed explanations.
complete response
You have provided an opinion which is good, however, the response appears incomplete and lacks depth in discussing the reasons for your agreement or disagreement. Develop your argument with further explanations.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas regarding the importance of money are identified but not fully elaborated on. Aim for a more comprehensive exploration of ideas with clear explanations to better address the essay prompt.
relevant specific examples
No specific examples are provided to reinforce the statement about money playing an essential role in happiness. Use relevant, specific examples to improve the strength and clarity of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!