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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development?

#world #people #cities #areas #populations #countryside #development
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In the new generation, many families are moving from the suburbs to
cities
 and developed eras.
While
 that affects the portion of Rural citizenship. Personally,
that is
 a negative outcome of industrialization.
This
 essay will discuss the pros and cons, I feel that for two reasons which I will explore in the following essay.
Initially
, Rural individuals changing their homes seek new jobs or opportunities which that not positive is negative because, in the
countryside
 there are many ideas where humans could develop intensely.
In addition
, living in the
cities
 will be expensive and harder for rural
people
 to find a job or integrate with human mentality and lifestyle are different.
For Example
, my uncle lives in the
countryside
.
Then
 he decides to live in the city. The first issue he faced was his time of sleeping with the mindset of urban citizens were different.
Also
, he didn't find
high-salary
Add an article
a high-salary
show examples
 job. Despite
this
 the positive effects of moving to urban areas. In the
countryside
,
people
 have farms that involve different kinds of fruits and vegetables which leads them to open startups or implement new methods for selling their products.
Therefore
,
cities
 provide infrastructure for new human beings.
For instance
, In the United States, the
countryside
people
 launch their corporations in the
cities
 and that help citizen enhance their performances by working with large farm company. In conclusion, It is frequently said that living in the city is worse for rural
people
 because, will affect them mentally and physically, with no job requirement.
Whereas
, lunch a company or bringing new ideas will be a good choice for suburb humans.
Submitted by alihafiid on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear logical structure and needs to be more organized. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea that is thoroughly explored and developed before moving on to the next point.
coherence cohesion
The inclusion of an introduction and conclusion is noted but they need to be more effective in setting up the topic and summarizing the argument respectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points require stronger support through the use of more specific examples, data or quotations from reliable sources to demonstrate validity.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, you must ensure you provide a complete response to the task. Address all parts of the prompt comprehensively.
task achievement
Your essay should articulate ideas in a clearer and more comprehensive manner. Aim for clarity in your arguments, and ensure each one is well explained and detailed.
task achievement
Remember to include relevant and specific examples to support your points. These make your essay more persuasive and give it depth. Generalizations should be replaced with precise information where possible.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Amenities
  • Economic prospects
  • Overcrowding
  • Traffic congestion
  • Pollution
  • Agricultural abandonment
  • Cultural diversity
  • Innovation
  • Cultural heritage
  • Family ties
  • Infrastructure
  • Public services
  • Sustainable urban planning
  • Rural revitalization
What to do next:
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