IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the modern world, schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through the internet that children can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that abundant knowledge on the
internet
Use synonyms
 can help
students
Use synonyms
 study well at home
instead
Linking Words
 of attending lessons at
school
Use synonyms
, so it raises the question of whether going to
school
Use synonyms
 is necessary or not.
While
Linking Words
 there are many reasons to support
this
Linking Words
 idea, I believe that the role of learning at
school
Use synonyms
 cannot be replaced. On the one hand, the idea of allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to learn through the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 is beneficial to some extent. The first reason is that
information
Use synonyms
 sources can be accessed more easily. A variety of
information
Use synonyms
 on many different kinds of subjects is available on the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
Students
Use synonyms
 have easy access to
information
Use synonyms
, which promotes self-study ability in some
students
Use synonyms
. The second one is that it can save more
time
Use synonyms
. Since the
children
Use synonyms
 always spend a small amount of
time
Use synonyms
 preparing and moving to
school
Use synonyms
, it can be a waste of
schooling
Replace the word
school
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. If the
students
Use synonyms
 spend
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 playing sports or relaxing, it brings more benefits to the reduction of stress.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many reasons why I believe education at
school
Use synonyms
 will be an effective way for
children
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
children
Use synonyms
 are able to focus on their better lessons.
This
Linking Words
 is because, under the observation of the teacher,
children
Use synonyms
 will be less distracted from the lesson target
as well as
Linking Words
 left to focus by outside factors.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they can obtain many useful experiences and knowledge from their teacher.
This
Linking Words
 is an advantage
that is
Linking Words
 not provided by any programs on the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. It allows the
children
Use synonyms
 to easily receive knowledge, which leads to
information
Use synonyms
 being remembered longer.
For example
Linking Words
, from many social points of view, many
students
Use synonyms
 achieve adverse results from studying at home during the outbreak of COVID-19 disease. In conclusion, it seems evident that the option of replacing studying at
school
Use synonyms
 with programs at home through the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 has some benefits, including being easy to perform and saving
time
Use synonyms
, but I think there are many advantages to learning at
school
Use synonyms
 that are not changed.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure & Logic
Make sure to develop a clear logical sequence throughout your essay. Some parts of the argument may need smoother transitions and clearer connections between main points.
Introduction & Conclusion
Include an introduction and a conclusion, as they are essential in structuring your response and indicating its organization; this has been handled well in the essay.
Supporting Examples
Support your main points with specific examples. While some were provided, in certain cases, you could expand on them to better illustrate and support your argument.
Task Fulfilment
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. You have addressed the essential parts of the prompt, but make sure to consistently maintain a balance between both sides of the argument.
Idea Development & Clarity
Present your ideas clearly and comprehensively, ensuring that you develop them sufficiently. Your essay shows a good understanding but work on clarifying your viewpoint and elaborating on your arguments in a more detailed manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • formal education
  • structured learning environment
  • self-paced learning
  • personalized learning
  • interpersonal skills
  • digital divide
  • socio-economic disparities
  • qualifiable educators
  • motivation
  • tailored teaching methods
  • media literacy
  • critical thinking
  • routine
  • discipline
  • extracurricular activities
  • holistic development
  • well-rounded education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: