the artifical wealth in modern world cannot bing up hapiness.to what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the modern materialistic
world
the merit wealth is increasing Add a comma
world,
due to
modernisation but the
Correct article usage
apply
teological
advancement and material wealth cannot bring up true happiness. Correct your spelling
technological
theological
geological
This
essay will analyse the given statement in the following paragraphs and I am largely in favour of the statement.
Starting with, the physical wealth have
changed the way of living and Change the verb form
has
have
created many problems too. To evaluate, the increased technology use Correct subject-verb agreement
has
have
made it easier to pay online and Change the verb form
has
have
promoted the use of credit cards. By the use of Correct subject-verb agreement
has
such
cards, people usually pay for things which they can't afford in
Change preposition
at
present
time Correct article usage
the present
which
interns threaten them Correct word choice
and
for clearing
their dues as soon as possible, which does not bring them happiness. Adding to it, Change preposition
to clear
modernisation
of technology Correct article usage
the modernisation
have
helped in framing and Correct subject-verb agreement
has
to feed
the large population and Wrong verb form
feeding
two generate
capital, but it has Wrong verb form
generating
also
decrease
the richness of soil and Change the verb form
decreased
raise
other problems too.
Moving Wrong verb form
raised
further
, the advancement in space technology have
Change the verb form
has
open
up a new way to explore the world and to protect humanity from mass extinction, Wrong verb form
opened
whereas
it has increased the
air pollution too. Causing Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
environment
degradation. Replace the word
environmental
However
, the technological advancement in medical
field Add an article
the medical
have
made a good fortune, not only for a country but Change the verb form
has
also
for its citizens. For example
, the formation of covid-19 vaccine which saved millions of lives.
Although
,the
modern technological development Correct article usage
apply
have
created a material fortune for Change the verb form
has
world
, Add an article
the world
but
it has Remove the conjunction
apply
also
showed up
good results in different sectors.Wrong verb form
shown
However
, the prosperity it have
created can and can not give true happiness.Change the verb form
has
Submitted by worldf973 on
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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your thesis statement. Each paragraph in the body should cover a single main idea, and the conclusion should summarize your points and restate your thesis.
linking
Make sure to use a range of cohesive devices (linking words) effectively to organize your ideas and arguments. This will not only help in creating a logical flow but also in enhancing the readability of your text.
supporting
Support your main points with specific examples or reasons. This not only strengthens your argument but also shows that you can relate abstract ideas to real-world scenarios.
task response
Aim to provide a complete response to the task with a clear position throughout the response. The essay needs to more importantly address how the advent of technological advancement and material wealth correlates with happiness rather than describing general problems with technology and modernization.
clarity
To improve clarity, avoid long sentences with multiple ideas and instead, break them into shorter, clearer sentences. Use punctuation appropriately to aid understanding.
complexity
Refrain from using overly complex sentences if they compromise the clarity of your ideas. Strive for sentences that are both advanced and comprehensible.
grammar and spelling
Pay close attention to grammar and spelling. Errors can distract from the content and make your argument difficult to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.