Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
technology – oriented
Correct your spelling
technology–oriented
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society, individuals are bombarded by advertising,
therefore
it makes people think
the
Correct your spelling
that
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advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
things are quite necessary and useful in their daily
life
.
Consequently
,
this
phenomenon
brings
Verb problem
has
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some negative influence on human
life
. In my point, I wholeheartedly agree
that
Correct word choice
apply
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with
this
point of view.
On the other hand
, I wholeheartedly agree that advertising is important in individual’s lives. The development of contemporary society nowadays allows the effect to combine visual and audio making advertisements to persuade viewers to feel it is really necessary and mandatory purchases.
For instance
, floor detergent cleaning is advertised on a lot of social media platforms with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eye-catching effects and attracts viewers
that
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
who
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understand its importance and
then
they buy it.
Anther
Correct your spelling
Another
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reason why I agree with the harmful influence of advertising on human
life
is the children’s erroneous awareness of junk food. The majority of parents are willing to buy some snacks for their children,
by contrast
, the minority is not.
As a result
, some children are ashamed,
then
they will force their parents to buy
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
because of misconceptions
of
Change preposition
about
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snacks.
Additionally
, the appearance of advertising
is
Correct pronoun usage
that is
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ubiquitous will
also
stimulate consumerism. First of all, the daily
life
of individuals will be interrupted by advertisements. To be specific, when they are watching some of the entertainment shows and it is
browing
Correct your spelling
boring
so
Rephrase
apply
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some people feel it
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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them uncomfortable and
leading
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
to losing interest to continue watching. Especially, some advertising will set
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
non-realistic
of
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apply
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success and beauty standards. The evidence is the appearance of the
Iphone
Correct your spelling
iPhone
, which not only attracts customers
due to
the
Change the word
its
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function but
also
the fashion and luxury for consumers.
Finally
, human’s daily
ativities
Correct your spelling
activities
will be changed because of some advertisements on social media platforms. In conclusion, I do believe that advertising will alter the individual’s awareness and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a negative impact on people’s lives.
Submitted by tpk378407 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay displays some level of logical structure, however, it could be significantly improved. To enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay, ensure that your ideas follow a clear and logical sequence. Begin with an introductory paragraph that presents the topic and outlines your stance clearly. Each subsequent paragraph should present a single main idea, supported by relevant examples and explanations. Transition words should be used to smoothly link these ideas. Conclude with a paragraph that summarizes the essay's main points and reiterates your position.
task achievement
You have addressed the task, but your response can be more complete by avoiding any possible repetition, over-generalizations or statements without clear support. Each paragraph should introduce a clear main idea, followed by an explanation or example that is directly related to the task. Furthermore, make sure your opinion is clearly stated and maintained throughout the essay. You should also strive to be more precise in your argumentation, providing specific examples that are directly tied to the advertising topic to substantiate your viewpoint.

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