IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Films can have effect on the children's education and teach them many things. Do you think it is always a positive infuelance? Discuss

#films #effect #children #education #infuelance
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Nowadays, a lot of minors tend to waste their time through phones
an
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and
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 watching TV.
While
 almost 100% of
parrentas
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parents
 are worried about detriments like
impacts
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the impacts
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 of their mind or
educatiom
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education
, others including myself
belive
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believe
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 that youth can learn several
knowladge
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knowledge
 and they can learn many
informatiomns
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information
 about the world. Let's
begine
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begin
look
Wrong verb form
by looking
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 at some benefits of
these learning method
Change the determiner
this learning method
these learning methods
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.
Firstly
 it
ensure
Change the verb form
ensures
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 that individuals can understand the materials
so
Rephrase
apply
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easily and it helps them keep those facts in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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mind for a long time.
For instance
, recent studies have shown that movie and animations
last
 longer in offspring's memory and
has
Change the verb form
have
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 a significant impact on
thier
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their
 kids in understanding and memorizing the lessons thoroughly.
One
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On
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other
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the other
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 hand, the main downside of using
this
 approach is not constantly
excellent
Add an article
an excellent
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 way to learn something.
Hence
, students may struggle to understand which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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obscure information
that is
 important to their learning process.
For example
, if children can not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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understand one part of
movie
Correct article usage
a movie
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, they will make an
efford
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effort
 to
understanding
Wrong verb form
understand
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 by themselves.
As a result
, watching films
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not
a
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apply
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suitable
to learn
Change preposition
for learning
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 something. In conclusion,
this
 technique
aid
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aids
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 kids to understand some subjects as one
pice
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piece
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 of
cackr
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cake
car
cancer
.
Howevere
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However
, they can not get answers
their
Change preposition
to their
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 vague questions.
Therefore
, their knowledge will remain limited.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer structure. Make sure to have a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should contain one clear main idea with supporting sentences that are directly related to the main topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are identifiable, but they are not very clear. Make sure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and restates your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support your points with specific examples. Examples help to illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing. Use real studies, data, or hypothetical scenarios that are directly relevant to the topic.
Task Achievement
Address the task fully. The question asks whether the influence of films on children's education is always positive. Make sure to explore both the positive and negative aspects of this influence and state your position clearly.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas comprehensively. While you have touched on both sides of the argument, the ideas are not developed fully. Expand on your points with clear explanations of why films can be beneficial or detrimental to children's education.
Task Achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points. While you mention 'recent studies,' no specific details are given. Use concrete examples of how films can both positively and negatively impact children's education and what makes some films more educational than others.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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