IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The increase use of mobile phone and computers makes people lose the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#phone #computers #people #ability #face
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Contemporary society has progressively shifted to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 greater reliance on digital
communication
 rather than in-person
communication
. The enhanced usage of electronics has caused
people
 to depend on social
media
 and social networking platforms for digital
communication
. I completely agree with
this
 view and
this
 essay will detail why.
To begin
 with, social
media
 has influenced the increased preference
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 online correspondence.
Such
 sites encourage
people
 to rely on texting which is based on non-verbal cues.
This
 form of connection can result in miscommunications as
people
 cannot refer to facial expressions and voice tones.
For example
, teenagers nowadays prefer texting on social
media
 platforms rather than physically gathering because texting is quicker and requires less social and mental effort.
Therefore
,
people
 have more readily
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 social
media
communication
due to
 its convenience.
Furthermore
, a large number of
people
 have gradually lost the ability to communicate
in-person
Correct your spelling
in person
show examples
 considering they believe digital
communication
 is more efficient for working purposes. Telecommunication can allow students and employees to multitask
while
 conducting online meetings and seminars.
This
 enables individuals to be more productive without having to waste time by physically attending to their responsibilities.
For instance
, COVID-19 has strengthened the dependence on virtual learning as students and teachers prefer to conduct lessons from home
while
 simultaneously working on academic and personal tasks.
Consequently
,
people
 may steadily lose the ability to interact directly considering the declining opportunities they have to engage and implement their social skills. In conclusion, the enhanced utilization of electronics has led
people
 to the reliance on digital
communication
 which has resulted in their successive incapability of one-on-one interactions. Mainstream society must learn how to limit their technological dependency for
improved
Correct article usage
an improved
show examples
 balance of their social and personal lives.
Submitted by alyousiflujen on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay introduction clearly addresses the question and that your conclusion effectively summarises your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a logical structure that includes distinct and well-transitioned paragraphs, each one dealing with a single aspect of the argument.
task achievement
Your main points should be supported by compelling arguments and relevant examples that illustrate the issue. While there are examples, they could be more specific and tied closely to the claims made.
task achievement
While addressing the task, be sure to cover all parts of the prompt in a balanced way to ensure a 'complete response'. Expand on the counterarguments to show a full exploration of the topic.
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