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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many countries spend alot of money to make bicycles easier.Why? Is it the best solution for transport problems?

#countries #alot #money #bicycles #transport
Investing a large amount of
money
 to ease
bycycles
Correct your spelling
bicycles
by cycles
 in many nations, even though the promotion of
bicycles
 is viable
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not enough to solution to tackle the
traffic
 congestion problems. I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 disclose the reasons with relevant examples in subsequent paragraphs. Embarking upon the reasons why many countries utilise much
money
 on ease
bicycles
. The striking one is,
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 alleviates
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traffic
jams
. To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, nowadays
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
providing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bicycles
 to people
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is useful for
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
traffic
jams
 to some extent because the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 is the usage of private vehicles to reach other places. Countries that suffer from the deadlock issues spend
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
money
 to facilitate the bikers more as
such
 investments completely
promotes
Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
show examples
 the
bicycles
 to citizens.
For instance
, European Cities like Amsterdam focus on building
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cycling track infrastructure to encourage people to
do
Correct your spelling
go
show examples
 cycling
instead
 of
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
driving. Resultantly, in a considerably reduced high level of
traffic
. Supporting my
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 point is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bicycles
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 one of the
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
show examples
 to tackle
this
 problem. As majority of workers do not prefer to commute
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 bike as their
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
 are located
fas
Correct your spelling
far
show examples
 from their houses. The best solution would If
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 authorities take
Correct article usage
the initiatives
show examples
initiatives
Fix the agreement mistake
initiative
show examples
 to reduce the
traffic
jams
 it will be better to construct
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 transportation system.
For example
, Japan built several new fast trains to tackle the
traffic
 congestion and
such
 trains
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
 add new
crowded
Replace the word
crowds
show examples
 on roads because it located below the ground. To recapitulate, investing much
money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 bicycle
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
usage infrastructure may curtail
traffic
jams
.
However
, to have a crucial impact, the government requires
public
Correct article usage
a public
show examples
 transportation system which can be accessible to a larger group of
people's
Change noun form
people
show examples
 compared to a bicycle.
Submitted by naviiihundal198 on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear and logical introduction of the topics being discussed. For a higher score, the introduction should clearly state the topic and give a preview of the points to be covered.
logical structure
The essay does not have a strong logical flow, which makes it difficult to follow. Use more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments.
supported main points
While some main points are supported with examples, there's room for improvement in how you link these back to the main argument. Make sure each main point directly supports your overall thesis.
complete response
The response feels incomplete as it does not address the second part of the question thoroughly, which asks if bicycles are the best solution for transport problems. You need to explore this further for a higher score.
clear comprehensive ideas
Some of your ideas are unclear and lack depth. Strengthen your argument by providing comprehensive explanations and clear reasoning for each point made.
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant examples, which is good. However, make sure that every example clearly supports your argument and relates to the topic directly to enhance the effectiveness of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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