IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that the government should spend more money putting in more works of art like paintings and statues in cities to make them better places to live in.

#people #government #money #works #art #paintings #statues #cities #places
With the target of renovating the faces of
cities
, the government has decided to financially invest in
art works
Correct your spelling
artworks
show examples
. These contributions have made significant improvements to many
cities
 so
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can be a worthy place to live.
However
, whether its necessity is still controversial in different aspects. On the one hand, the creation of artistic paintings &
statues
Correct word choice
and statues
show examples
 will certainly have a positive effect on tourism. Especially with historical
cities
, these would bring a new breeze to its tourist destination which can easily become popular as an alluring spot. The
cities
 would visually become a perfect place to live and to be spent for. Educating and raising awareness of local people on artistic knowledge are
also
 feasible purposes of
this
 renovation. In many developing countries, mainly in East Asia area, art subject has not been
considering
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
 enough because of
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system and average income,
as a result
 of
this
, locals never have
actual
Add an article
an actual
show examples
 chance to get to know paintings in person. Without a doubt, the advantages of putting
art works
Correct your spelling
artworks
show examples
 into reality are foreseeable for both locals and tourists.
On the other hand
, the question should be informed in advance for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 is that whether
this
 is an excellent choice. Financial investment &
renovation
Correct word choice
and renovation
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 which are spent for the reconstruction and creation cost huge and could be out of budget with many developing countries or small countries.
Besides
, fixing would
also
 come with environmental harm if plans are not considered deliberately enough. The qualifications of experienced staff and experts
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in the projects should be a concern as
this
 might leave a burden
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of
outcome
Add an article
the outcome
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.
Along with
 the renovation, many historical buildings would be replaced or even ruined by new projects which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 still under-promising. In conclusion, any
renovating
Replace the word
renovation
show examples
 proposals should be discussed prudently in both financial and potential aspects. The effect of goals is obvious;
however
; general consideration can lessen the unworthy consequences.
Submitted by minhphi236 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the prompt consistently throughout the essay. While your response covers the topic, it could be more focused on the specific issue of government funding for art in cities.
coherence cohesion
For a higher score, work on using a wider range of cohesive devices and transition phrases to improve the logical flow of ideas. This will help make the essay easier to follow and understand.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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